Whatever Works
by Concupiscence66
Summary: A visit from Leonard's mom takes an unexpected turn and the effects are far-reaching.  Ultimately a slash between Sheldon and Leonard but the first chapter is just Sheldon and Beverly.
1. Chapter 1

Fascinating.

It was menopause that finally brought Beverly a voracious sexual appetite.

High school, college, her sham marriage to a miserable cheating bastard. She had never understood why everyone else seemed to be a slave to sexual urges. Those tepid desires to copulate that could easily be dismissed with perfunctory masturbation. Such a fuss over nothing.

This was not 'nothing'. This disturbed her sleep. Disturbed her work. It was... disturbing.

Was this how other people felt all the time?

If Leonard were willing to discuss the issue in a rational manner, she would be able to express her newfound understanding for the concupiscence that had preoccupied her son throughout his childhood. But Leonard would never be able to discuss sexual arousal with his mother. An IQ of 173, the best education, a home-life specifically designed to foster intellectual growth... Why did Leonard feel the need to play the Philistine? But then, playing down his intellect was always Leonard's strategy to obtain social acceptance. It was certainly less worrisome than Cassandra's eating disorder. At least Michael was happy. He broke out in hives when Beverly suggested asking Leonard at the best man at his wedding but that was only normal. What younger sibling wasn't held hostage by the callous love withdrawl of an older sibling?

When she rolled on her side, her nose was assaulted by the smell of "man". Was it actaully a breach of ettiquette to masturbate in the bed of a friend or was that just her oppressive upbringing lingering in her subconcious?

Sheldon would not like to have someone engage in self-stimulation in his bed so Beverly opted for restraint. It was kind of him to sleep on the couch and offer his room. He had only made one such offer previously. Of course, Dr. Plimpton had betrayed his friendship by choosing to have sex with each of his male friends before finally inviting him to join in a "threesome" with her and Leonard. Poor Sheldon. Beverly looked at Sheldon and saw reassurance that she had made the right choice not to allow her children to advance through school too quickly. It was important to learn how to socialize with people of normal intellect and important to be subjected to the pain and humiliation of high school in order to build character. She was proud (for lack of a better word in the English language) that Leonard had refused a threesome but offered to leave and allow Sheldon an oppurtunity to copulate. It showed maturity and self-restraint. It showed he was capable of being loving to another male if not his own brother.

Perhaps a very cold glass of water.

Sheldon was asleep on the couch. His pale skin reflected the small amount of light in the room.

He was luminescent.

Glass of water.

Beverly brushed his short dark hair from his forehead.

He turned his head and mumbled "Goofy, no".

Such a strange boy. Strange and young and long limbed. Unlined face. Soft lips?

Beverly touched her lips to his.

Soft lips.

"Meemaw?"

That stung. It wasn't rational but it stung. Beverly was still a vibrant woman, apparently at her sexual peak.

She had kissed Sheldon while inebriated. For all his flirtations, he had been stiff and shocked at actual contact. Who has time to teach a boy how to satisfy a woman?

His neck was so long and slim. Pale and vulnerable. All of him was pale and vulnerable. That worked.

She slid her hand under the blanket, accross his chest and down his stomache. She slipped her hand inside his pajama top and felt a tee-shirt. Under the tee-shirt was flesh.

Two layers even to sleep? What a damaged little boy.

An uncomfortable thought but such discomfort could enhance sexual stimulation.

Tall and lean like her husband had been. Like her son, Michael. Uncomfortable. Her other son sleeping in his bedroom down the hall. Uncomfortable. Leonard could walk in at any moment. Very uncomfortable.

That worked.

Beverly slide her hand into flannel pajama bottoms. She caressed the penis of a man young enough to be her while he slept. As he began to hardened, he mumbled again.

"Leonard".

She stroked him with her right hand and stimulated herself with her left until...

"Jesus is watching!"

Beverly shushed Sheldon and pressed him to lie down, with her left hand. Her right hand never slowed.

"What... who... why... what are you doing?" hissed a frazzled and confused young young man.

Sensing things could soon turn ugly, and that worked, did that ever work, Beverly mounted him. He slid inside her so easily it was like a fantasy. The kind of fantasy she had never had when she was young.

"Leonard is ... On the couch? I eat here!"

She silenced him with a kiss, with her probbing tongue. His confusion and outrage were good. Otherwise he certainly would have climaxed by now. He had never directly admitted it, but Beverly was fairly certain he was a virgin.

She closed her eyes and rode him hard. It was so good. So very good and she was already so close.

A timid hand ghosted over her breast. Beverly squeezed the hand, demanding more stimulation. Wanting to feel wanted for the first time in decades. Another hand caressed her pubic hair. She helped him find and stimulate her clitoris. Yikes!

Yikes!

Yikes.

She watched Sheldon's face as he ejaculated. It was a ridiculous grimace but it worked. She soothed him with a few gentle kisses and reassurances that she had no communicable diseases before leaving him alone on the couch. She needed to clean up and pull herself together. And she needed sleep. She had a conference tomorrow and she did not want her eyes to be puffy. A last glance at a striken Sheldon filled her with a warm and almost maternal feeling.

"If you want to engage Leonard in coitus. Give him a few drinks and tell him you want to have sex with him and only him. Put the emphasis on his singularity. He is a middle child afterall."

Breakfast was awkward, the conference mediocre and the ride to the airport was endless. Beverly had not a single regret.

Sheldon was jumpy and twitchy even after dropping mom off at the airport. Leonard wondered what horrible secret he was keeping. Was Leonard's dad dead? Had his mom killed him? Was Michael going to win a Nobel Prize? He didn't want to know.

"Italian from Mamma Italia's for lunch?"

"Naturally, Leonard. It is Saturday."

"Leonard?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"We should pick up a bottle of wine for lunch."


	2. Chapter 2

Sheldon filled Leonard's wine glass to the top and poured a splash into his own. Leonard was alarmed by his roommate's sudden interest in imbibing ETOH. Sheldon was keeping one mother of a secret. It was written all over his twitchy face.

Sheldon was incapable of keeping secrets and Leonard desperately wanted to be left in the dark. He liked to keep Beverly and Sheldon seperate in his mind. While his friendship with his eccentric roommate may have begun as a "childish attempt to win parental approval via proxy" (Beverly's words), Sheldon was now his closest friend. When had they become friends? It was hard to say... no it wasn't. He could look up the friendship agreement and check the time stamp.

When Leonard chuckled, Sheldon responded with an awkward smile. The smile quickly descended into a series of tics. Somehow Beverly would taint this strange friendship. She was like a Freudian King Midas. Everything she touched turned to shame.

"Here, Leonard, drink your wine."

"It's a little early in the day."

"I've seen Penny drink MUCH earlier than this. Drink up."

"I don't want a drink."

"I think it would be highly advisible."

"Something is either advisible or not. No need for an adverb," Leonard teased.

"Eating a diet high in fiber is advisible. Not stabbing yourself in the eye with a fork is advisible. Drinking at least two glasses of this wine is highly advisible," was Sheldon's terse response.

Leonard took a sip while Sheldon stared and twitched.

"Oh, hell," muttered Leonard as he knocked back the rest of the glass, "Just tell me."

"Your mother had sex with me the night before last. Well, had sex on me. Did sex to me? I'm not sure how to best describe the act."

"What! You WHAT? You had sex with my fucking mother!"

King Fucking Midas.

"Language, Leonard."

"How COULD you? That is way beyond... How? Why?"

Sheldon remained calm.

"I asked similar questions at the time, Leonard. I know your mother is having some difficulty adapting to menopause and her divorce but really. There are surely several rules of ettiquette..."

"YOU, you don't let me whistle and you fucked my mother!"

"Perhaps another glass of wine?"

Leonard grabbed the bottle and loosely followed Sheldon's advice. This is a dream. This is not happening.

"I only mention this as a precursor to something your mother told me after the coitus..."

"No, we are not moving on. We are talking about how you betrayed me. The man who said, 'She's my friend and you're playing with her' hooked up with my mom?"

"You continue to labor under the false belief that I was in any way an instigator or even an active participant in the endeavor..."

"Did you slip and fall into her lady parts?" Leonard kept drinking. He was painfully sober. This alcohol is defective. He laughed bitterly at the memory.

Sheldon's whole body relaxed. "Oh, good. You've calmed down. Now this conversation can progress."

"How would you feel if I slept with your mom?"

"So we're going to keep beating this dead horse? Very well, my mother is deeply religious and unlikely to engage in such behavior."

"Fine, I'll marry your mother. Then we'll have sex. And then I'll be your dad and my mom will be your grandmother and FINALLY and I can sleep at night knowing you won't fuck her again now that she is your goddamned meemaw!"

"I wouldn't call her Meemaw. I only call Meemaw Meemaw. I also have a Granny. I would call her Grandma. Actually, given our history, I would probably continue to call her Beverly. I think that would be her preference as well."

Leonard felt his anger disapating. This wasn't about Sheldon, it was about Beverly. And Mary Cooper was a total MILF. He took another hearty swig directly from the bottle and flopped down on the couch.

Sheldon hesitantly crossed the living room and sat in his accustomed spot. He offered a terrifying grimace that Leonard interpreted as a concillatory smile.

"Now what was it you really wanted to tell me?" Leonard asked gently. His cheeks were becoming flushed and he was a little dizzy. The wine was doing it's job. He should always be drunk when talking to Sheldon.

Sheldon thought hard about his next statment. Leonard could tell because Sheldon was using his "I'm thinking hard" face on. While contemplating the universe, Sheldon looked introspective. When chosing a comic book or a new pair of socks, his face twisted to reflect just how hard that brain was working. What a weirdo. Leonard smiled and gave Sheldon's shoulder a friendly shake.

"Your mother said if I wanted to engage you in coitus, I should have you imbibe at least two servings of alcohol and tell you I wanted to begin a sexual relationship with you."

"Come again?" How drunk was he?

"Only you. It is important I emphasize that it is only you with whom I wish to engage in such intamacy."

"Why would my mother tell you that?"

"Are you asking me to explain the motivations of another person?"

"Why would she think you wanted to 'engage' me in...?"

"Coitus? I don't know. Her theories of physical attraction are generally focused on producing optimum progeney which would obviously be irrelevant in this situation."

"The point is here and you are way the fuck over there, " Sheldon's eyes followed Leonard's hand and he gestured vaguely out the window. "I'm asking why would you be interested in..."

"Coitus."

"With me?"

Sheldon sighed and wound himself up for a long winded explanation. An explanation that probably began in ancient Greece. Actually, it kind of did start in ancient Greece.

Sheldon was already discussing the various theories of physical attraction and Leonard silenced him with a firm palm over his big yapping mouth.

"Why, oh, why would my mother tell you to get me drunk and play on my insecurities to get me into bed?"

"Leonard! That is not what she suggested! Not at all... Oh good Lord, that is exactly what she suggested. What is wrong with your mother, Leonard? I'll be sending her a strongly worded e-mail demanding an explanation."

Sheldon grabbed the wine bottle from Leonard's hand as he walked to his laptop.

"The robot uprising cannot happen soon enough, "Sheldon muttered as he pulled up his e-mail.


	3. Chapter 3

Fic: Saints and Cynics R

**concupiscence66** October 8th, 14:27

Title: Saints and Cynics  
Author: Concupiscence  
Fandom: TBBT  
Characters: Sheldon/Leonard Sheldon/Beverly mentioned  
Rating: R  
Warnings: language, slashiness, the word coitus  
Summary: Leonard tries to understand what Sheldon is saying.  
Notes: This is the follow up to "the Reckoning". Leonard rushes in where angels fear to tread. 

Watching Sheldon give his Chancellor's Award speech, you could see that he was getting drunker by the minute. His words getting more slurred, his gesticulations becoming wilder. All that hastily consumed alcohol gradually catching up to him. Leonard had been glued to his seat, praying for diminishing returns. He sent a similar prayer to Dionysus now.

"Please don't let me get any drunker than I am right now."

Apparently, he said it out loud because Sheldon turned around.

"I've already taken the bottle from you."

Sheldon returned to his "strongly worded e-mail". Leonard tried to imagine what Sheldon could be writing.

Dear Beverly,

Why did you have sex with me and then tell me to get your son drunk and have sex with him?

love always,

Sheldon

Of course, it was Sheldon so it would take him an hour to get to that point but...

"Hey!"

"Yes, Leonard?"

"Where... Did you... Where did you guys..."

"Copulate?"

"Where?"

Sheldon looked woefully at the couch. The couch Leonard was sitting on. The place where he was about to eat spaghetti before Sheldon's bombshell. And Leonard was still sitting there.

Leonard jumped up and all but leapt at Sheldon, roughly grabbing him by the Green Lantern tee-shirt.

"Why?" he roared, "You have a bedroom! What if I had gotten up for a glass of water?"

Sheldon tried to gently pry his shirt from Leonard's fingers.

"I am just as disturbed as you. As I mentioned, I had no part in the decision making. I was asleep when it started and when I suggested the venue was not appropriate, your mother climbed on top of me and then... coitus."

What's worse than your mother having sex with your best friend? You're only tall friend? In your living room? On your couch? Nothing! Nothing is worse than that!

"There are plenty of worse things..."

"Quit listening to my thoughts, you bastard!"

"But you are thinking aloud and it's difficult to tell..."

"Shuuuuuut uuuuuuup!"

Sheldon sniffed and went back to his e-mail.

Leonard flopped back onto the couch. Then remembered and jumped back up. Then he sat back down because it was really the only comfortable place to sit.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Sheldon."

"Your distress is understandable. I myself am not impervious. I have been feeling... disturbed."

Of course he was disturbed. This wasn't Wolowitz. Sheldon didn't like hugging beautiful women like Penny. He didn't want Amy Farrah Fowler's saliva to touch his skin. He preferred not to feel the disease ridden breath of his friends on his skin.

"Sheldon? Buddy? Can we talk?"

"We are talking. Out loud. How long will you remain inebriated?"

"Come over here and talk to me."

"I haven't finished my message."

"We can talk about that."

Sheldon saved 'as draft' and hesitantly moved to the couch, nervously patting his tee-shirt that had been so callously stretched by Leonard.

"Shelly, why... um. No what... Hmmm. Okay, what did YOU think would happen when you gave me wine and told me you wanted to engage in sexual relations with me?"

"You and only you."

"Yes, me because I'm so special. Got it. I know my mother enjoys manipulating the weaknesses of others but what were YOU hoping to accomplish?"

Sheldon looked confused and wary, like he was anticipating a trap.

Leonard tried again, "What did you hope to accomplish by following my mother's fucked up advice?"

"Coitus?"

"Are you answering the question or asking a question?"

Sheldon put on his "thinking hard" face.

"I was hoping to engage in coitus with you, Leonard," answered Sheldon with confidence before quickly adding, "With you and only you."

"But you have no interest in sex."

"What on Earth would make you think I have no interest in sex?"

He seemed honestly and genuinely surprised.

"EVERYTHING you have ever said and done for the last eight years! Every conversation, every social interaction... You think sex is disgusting and unsanitary!"

"Eating Big Bran is disgusting but I did that this morning. So I could have a healthy bowel movement. Which was also disgusting. And unsanitary."

"But sex with another man would serve no biological, no LOGICAL purpose. You don't let me touch your food."

"I hate having other people touch my food but I eat at least one meal a day that was prepared by a stranger who has not been properly vetted with regards to lifelong hygiene practices. I realized long ago that controlling my food intake would require either learning to cook well or learning to endure my abysmal cooking. I have no time for the former and lack the gastrointestinal fortitude for the later so I eat food prepared by strangers."

Leonard was hypnotized by the fervor in those blue eyes. As per usual, Sheldon was making no sense but he seemed so passionate.

"Maybe it's the wine, Buddy, but I don't know what the fuck you are talking about."

"I like the taste of a burger from the Cheesecake Factory even though it's been touched by God knows who and Penny puts her fingers all over the plate. It's better than the burger I could make for myself."

Leonard took off his glasses and tried to clean them. His fingers seemed unusually large and he kept getting new finger prints on the lenses. It took a while, but it started to make sense. Beverly had... served Sheldon a burger that was better than the... burgers he'd been making for himself since puberty. So if Sheldon wanted to try another (Leonard was giving up In-n-Out for good) burger, Leonard was the most logical choice except...

"Why don't you give Amy's burger a try?"

"She does have access to her mother's Foreman grill which apparently locks in the flavor but none of the fat but I think you are getting confused, Leonard. We are talking about sex. The burgers are purely tangential."

"Why don't you have sex with Amy? I kinda think she might be up for it."

Still fingerprints on the lens. He breathed on his glasses again and wiped them with his shirt for the fourth time.

"She's not my girlfriend! She's a girl who..."

"She would be your girlfriend if you had sex. Or at least a friend with benefits."

"I'm not attracted to Amy."

"Why not? She's cute... Are you gay?" Leonard heard how loud and shocked his voice sounded and tried again in an exaggeratedly deep and soothing voice. "Are you gay?"

"I don't think so. I find Penny attractive."

Leonard kind of knew that already.

"Any other women?"

"Your mother."

Leonard slapped Sheldon's hand, "Bad Sheldon!"

Sheldon glared but he was gentle as he pried Leonard's glasses from his fumbling hands.

"May I get back to my e-mail?"

"In Mom's defense, she probably didn't intend for you to tell me 'Leonard, your mom gave me the best advice for getting you in the sack'!" Leonard laughed because it really was kind of funny. Like when he asked Stephanie if Leonard had "satisfied" her. It was mortifying at the time but he and Stephanie had often laughed about it later. Sheldon's ingenuousness, ingenuousity, ingenuo...

"Sheldon, what's the noun form of ingenuous?"

"Ingenuousness."

Sheldon's ingenuousness was both his finest and most irritating quality.

Sheldon placed Leonard's glasses back on the bridge of his nose, adding a few gentle taps to the frames to make sure they were perfectly even.

His fingers were long and agile. There was a softness in those blue eyes. Leonard felt the heat in his cheeks and batted Sheldon's hands away.

Sheldon gave a prissy huff and went back to his lap top.

He could just let it end there. He could order Sheldon never to bring it up again and never ever tell anyone else. Especially Howard. And Raj. And Penny. And everyone. But there was still a question.

"Are you attracted to me?"

Sheldon spun his chair around to glare at Leonard.

"I could throw my arms up in exasperation talking to you."

Then he threw his arms up in exasperation to drive the point home.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Of course I am attracted to you. Why else would I wish to engage in coitus with you? Do you listen to yourself when you speak or do you just hear white noise emanating from your vocal chords."

"When did you start... feeling that way."

"I have always found you attractive. Well, that's an overstatement. I have been attracted to you since I met you. Before that, I didn't know you existed much less whether or not you were attractive."

"Are there other guys you find attractive?" asked Leonard, plunging headfirst down the rabbit hole.

"Raj."

"Raj?"

"But I find him less attractive than you. And less attractive than Penny. I sometimes wonder how proximity enters into this equation. I am most attracted to you, then Penny, then Raj."

"What about Howard?"

"Not at all but he lives a good distance away. And Amy Farrah Fowler lives way on the other side of town as does Leslie Winkle."

"Could it be that you're attraction to a person is a direct corellate of how much said person is willing to tolerate your nonsense?"

Sheldon tilted his head.

"That's a valid hypothesis as well."

Sheldon stared at the laptop screen but was not typing.

"Are you done reaming my mom out?"

"I object strongly to Beverly's apparent intentions in giving me such faulty advice but she can not be held responsible for how I misinterpreted her meaning."

Sheldon looked so sad, Leonard stumbled from the couch to give him an awkward pat on the back.

"I still don't understand, what did you think she trying to tell you?" he asked gently.

"I thought she had observed a mutual attraction and was offering advice to facilitate... expressing myself in a way that would not be... overly jarring."

Leonard stroked his friend's short soft hair. He was such a big kid sometimes. Leonard was sometimes jealous of Sheldon's particular brilliance: the way his mind moved so quickly and without the inhibitions of self-doubt. Leonard pulled Sheldon's head to his stomach is an awkward hug. He felt so full of drunken affection for the man who made Leonard Leakey Hofstader look socially adept.

"Leonard..."

"We're having a moment, Sheldon, don't ruin it."

Leonard released Sheldon and smoothed his hair back into place.

"If you really want to... give that a try. We can try. We can give it a shot."

Sheldon turned back to his laptop, clearly shaken. His long fingers flew across the keyboard as he brought up and printed a document.

"What's that you're printing?" Leonard asked, knowing the mood was about to be seriously ruined.

"It's a list of sexual acts I am willing to participate it," Sheldon explained grabbing the first page off of the printer and holding is up. It was a short list.

"A list of acts I am willing to consider under the right circumstances," he added, holding up a slightly longer list.

"And that giant pile still on the printer?"

"That is the 'not a Snowball's chance in a CAT scanner' pile." 


	4. Chapter 4

_**Fic: The Benefactor PG**_

Title: The Benefactor  
Author: Concupiscence  
Fandom: TBBT  
Characters: Leonard/Sheldon pre-slash  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: just slashiness and anxiety  
Summary: Sheldon's thoughts  
Notes: A follow up to/ detour from Saints and Cynics. A side street on the way to nerdvana. 

"No, Mrs. Cooper, Sheldon is not crazy."

Mary looked dubious.

"He's eccentric. He's anxiety-ridden, hence the rituals. He's socially awkward. Why wouldn't he? A month ago, he was a visiting professor living abroad. Two nights ago he was at a..." Dr. Greene looked to Sheldon.

"Teens for Jesus Hoedown."

"I thought it would be good for him to spend time with his peers," Mary explained, a little defensively. Shelly and Missy had looked so cute in coordinated outfits.

"Mrs. Cooper, Sheldon has no peers," Dr. Greene explained gently before turning to Sheldon.

"That will change. By the time you're thirty, you'll have friends and colleagues your age. You'll decide where you live, if you attend church..."

Mary frowned but did not interupt.

"You'll be your own man. I want you to follow up with a therapist to help you learn better ways to deal with your anxiety. And have that twin of your set you up on a date with a nice girl," he added with a fatherly smile.

Sheldon saw the therapist and learned some relaxation techiniques. A bunch of hokum but he did faint less often. He did not go on a date. He had nothing in common with other teenagers and he was isolated from his peers. Now matter how brilliant his work, he still didn't need to shave and was extremely clumsy as a result of a sudden growth spurt. He couldn't walk down a hall without bumping into something. He knocked over drinks, dropped his papers, knocked himself unconsious if he tried to bend over to tie his shoe anywhere near a solid object. As for his rituals, Dr. Greene was and intelligent man and respected in his field but he made one major thinking error. He thought Sheldon's fear of germs was disporportionate to the threat. Didn't he learn anything in medical school? Germs were everywhere. They made you sick and being sick left you more vulnerable and alone than ever. Sheldon's fear of germs kept him vigilant and safe. He wouldn't give up his anxieties. He'd just have to wait it out until he was thirty and he'd be normal. Every year he celebrated that he, like everything in the universe was moving towards the norm.

Of course, that was hokum as well but Sheldon enjoyed the ritual. It was part of his whimsical nature. He knew he was getting weirder every year. Exponentially weirder. He could barely look people in the eyes. He didn't own a shirt he hadn't bought at the comic book store. He spent his evening in a lawn chair in the one part of the living room that felt right. Each roommate that moved out left him more anxious and that meant... more rituals. He was spending a fortune on toothbrushes, flossing took fifteen minutes. He ate nothing he couldn't boil first. He felt queasy putting on his shoes; both from the anxiety about germs and the overwhelming cloud of disinfectant.

Then Leonard moved in. Sheldon actually had a friend and collegue his age. Sheldon Lee Cooper had a friend. They ordered take out. Leonard brought Raj and Howard. Now Sheldon had a group of friends. He bought a snazzy checked suit for confrences. Leonard also brought Penny into the group giving Sheldon a friend who was a pretty girl and a friend of "normal" intellect. He went bowling. Leonard brought Beverly who divested Sheldon of his troublesome virginity. Raj and Howard found Amy Farrah Fowler. He drank the splash of wine he had poured seemingly hours ago. Sheldon Lee Cooper, social butterfly, still had a month to go until he turned thirty.

Truly, Leonard was the bringer of good things. Now they were going to have sex and it was going to be terrible and absolutely humiliating. By twenty-five, Sheldon knew the time had passed for him to have a somewhat normal "first time". Every year that passed since then made his inexperience stranger and less excusable to any potential partner. With Beverly, the only thing he had to fear was being caught in flagrante delicto by Leonard and subsequently being murdered. This time, he'd have to perform and he would perform so very badly. Sheldon was an intelligent man and he did not need to play football to know he would be terrible at it, despite his father's protestations. One game and a broken collar bone later, he was proven right. The same went for baseball, cooking and driving. All grand scale failures.

He could call it all off now and save what was left of his dignity but Leonard was reading the list. His cheeks were flushed from the wine and he had such dark eyes. What's dignity between friends?

Leonard turned his warm dark eyes to Sheldon and licked his full lips. He looked befuddled and not a little bit concerned. Sheldon had grown to love that look.

"Sheldon, this list is insane! You are a crazy person!"

But Sheldon Cooper wasn't crazy, his mom had him tested. He was becoming his own man and normal is such a subjective word.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Fic: Seduction and Spaghetti R**_

Title: Seduction and Spaghetti  
Author: Concupiscence  
Fandom: TBBT  
Characters: Leonard/Sheldon  
Rating: R  
Warnings: No sex yet but pretty graphic discussions  
Summary: Leonard reviews the list  
Notes: There was going to be graphic sex but the boys weren't ready yet. Too many ground rules. It's pretty raunchy in content. You are warned. 

Sheldon is eating spaghetti. Apparently his idea of foreplay. Leonard has three lists in his hand.

Sheldon is down with open mouth kissing (no tongue), mutual masterbation, frottage (clothing optional) and he is willing to receive but not perform oral sex (big surprise there). Oh, and Sheldon was fine with being on the recieving end of anal sex. Naturally, he wouldn't want a tongue in his mouth but that was...

He's a crazy person.

Sheldon MIGHT be willing to allow French kissing, he might consider performing fellatio upon negotiation. Ditto being the "pitcher". If Leonard wanted his semen to touch any part of Sheldon's body, they had to agree on the location ahead of time. All orafices were out, including ears and nostrils. Good thing that was clarified. Leonard had really been looking forward to shooting his load up the lanky physicist's nose, now he knew it was off the table. That would have been awkward.

The best was the "Not a Snowball's chance in a CAT scanner list". No orgies or "trains". No weapons or cross dressing. No animals. No pins in urethras. No bukkake.

"Sheldon, this list is insane! You are a crazy person!"

"Now, you know that simply isn't true. My mother had me tested."

"Recently? Where did you come up with this stuff?"

"On the internet. Hence the first item on the list. No acts of a sexual nature will be recorded and uploaded to the internet."

Sheldon ate his spaghetti with halcyon grace and sipped his wine like... like a guy that sipped wine.

Then Sheldon poured more wine into his glass. Leonard had been drinking straight from that bottle.

Sheldon eyed the glass warily. A glass that held wine and Leonard cooties. Clearly he was waging an internal battle. Leonard looked back at the list.

Leonard had misread item 13. While Sheldon was unwilling to cross-dress, Leonard was free too wear whatever made him comfortable. Maybe he'd nip over to Penny's and get a nice frock and then ejaculate into Sheldon's ear canal... Oh wait! That's on the "no" list.

Sheldon drank the glass of wine. He threw it back like it was turbriskafish. He swallowed, turned pale (paler) and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Leonard would have been offended if he weren't so busy being offended by a list of sex acts that Sheldon felt he needed to clarify were unacceptable.

No penetration with food stuffs. No fisting. No simulated rape. No hitting, punching or biting. No saddles.

Gee, Shelly, what's left? If Leonard couldn't slap a saddle on someone and start biting, how was he supposed to get off?

Sheldon returned with his freshly brushed teeth and went back to eating.

"You should eat, Leonard. Especially if you intend to continue drinking. You're level of inebriation could become... disabling."

"Sobriety is the last thing to 'enable'... In fact, sobriety and allowing time to pass are both contraindicated for... what we are hoping to accomplish."

"That's a misuse of the word contraindicated."

"Your continuing to speak may well preclude any..."

"Coitus?"

"Please don't use that word. If I hear that word one more time..."

"What I'm hearing you say is you need to be intoxicated to perform a sex act with me and that allowing any time for reflection will likely result in your changing your mind."

"I wouldn't say that..."

"What would you say?"

"Well, that is what I'd say but..."

Sheldon's face was devoid of any emotion and he continued to eat spaghetti.

"It's a social convention that if two people 'hook up', they should have a ready excuse for their poor judgement. IE, that sex would have ruined our friendship if we weren't soooo druuuunk..." Leonard's voice trailed off.

Sheldon nodded.

"Do I have time to brush my teeth again before you are forced to acknowledge the real-world implications of your intended actions?"

"Sure."

"Do you have time for a shower?"

"No and that's a little offensive."

Sheldon sighed heavily and went to brush his teeth.

They ultimately agreed to adjourn to Leonard's room. Sheldon was torn between Leonard's bed, full of Leonard's dead skin cells, and having someone else getting his own bed all sweaty. Leonard agreed to change his sheets. He was starting to worry he wouldn't be able to... fully engage. The strange heat he had felt for a sad looking Sheldon was quickly smothered by the annoyance he felt for the usual arrogant, nuerotic, demanding lunatic Febrezing his pillow. It was only when Sheldon had nothing left to do but stand in front of Leonard, staring at his feet, that the heat began to return. Sheldon was rubbing his thumb in an unconcious imitation of Leonard's nervous tic. Leonard dropped his hands. For about a second. Then he returned to worrying his own thumb while he worked on a strategy.

"Leonard, time is passing and I'm reflecting."

The light Texan drawl that normally adorned the corners of Sheldon's speech had come into full effect. Each word wore a ten gallon hat and a bolo tie.

"Um... Let's take off our shoes. That always gets awkward. And I don't like shoes on my bed."

Leonard and Sheldon sat side by side and removed their shoes. The mundane task suddenly charged with impending danger.

Sheldon was his best friend. The worst and best friend a man could have. Ingenuousness was a double-edged sword.

"I agree to adhear to your crazy ass list but I have some ground rules of my own."

"Of course, Leonard."

"No criticizing or comparing. If you don't like something or you want it to be different... I don't want to hear I am doing something wrong or I would do it better if I applied myself..."

"I hardly think I'm in a position to criticize your technique."

"You are in no position to criticize my experiments..."

"Of course I am! I'm a physicist with two Ph.D.'s. I'm well-versed in your line of research..."

"You know theory. Experimental physics is about proving..."

"I know what experimental physics..."

"If findings are replicable..."

"I am familiar with the importance of the p-value and power..."

"I do not rip off other scientists!"

"Of course you do, I can count the number of original theories you've examined..."

"Replication is..."

"For people like Leslie Winkle and Barry Kripke. People who are smart and competent but ordinary. A mind like yours should be focused on pushing the boundaries... I thought you were going to interupt me just then. I'll continue. Your intellect has a higher purpose than drudge work."

"That almost sounded like a compliment."

"It's a statement of fact. You have a rare intellect and you owe it to our field to use your gift."

"I'm not like you."

"Of course not but you are among the 2.2%... Leonard..." Sheldon was thinking hard, "Do you think I question your intelligence?"

"Of course I do. You don't?"

"Of course not! You have a remarkable intellect! When you apply yourself your experiments are creative and your papers are written with a clarity..."

"Are you, seducing me with compliments about my work?"

Sheldon laughed his breathy strange laugh.

"If I were seducing you, I would be the last person to know."

"You like the way I write?"

"Yes. I don't always care for the content. You are reluctant to make strong and controversial statements but now I see that stems from a basic insecurity about your findings."

Leonard worried his thumb. This is what it felt like to have someone believe in you.

"And you are a little lazy."

Leonard pushed Sheldon back onto the bed and went in for a kiss before he could utter one more mood-destroying word. 


	6. Chapter 6

Fic; O Rated R

**concupiscence66** November 7th, 12:39

_**O  
**_

Title: O  
Author: Concupiscence  
Fandom: TBBT  
Characters: Leonard/Sheldon  
Rating: R  
Warnings: smutty, sexual congress  
Summary: The boys become men of action.  
Notes: Follow up to Seduction and Spaghetti. Nearing the end of this little tale. I feel conflicted about that.

Sheldon seemed to have far more than the normal 32 teeth of a normal adult. Leonard couldn't seem to avoid clanking against everyone of those teeth with his own. It was like his first kiss.

Candace Ellen. After chess club. She had long legs and tasted like bubble gum. Her bubble gum ended up in Leonard's mouth and tangled in his braces. That's what happens when you kiss someone impulsively.

Leonard moved to straddle Sheldon's slim hips, giving him more control over the kiss. That was better. The normally staid scientist was surprisingly enthusiastic. His cheeks were already flushed, his pupils dilated, his lips slightly engorged, respiration shallow. All the signs of sexual arousal. Oh, and a big ole erection that occasionally made contact with Leonard's thigh.

Leonard nipped at Sheldon's lips, trying to show him how to kiss rather than just mash their mouths (and teeth) together. Sheldon was picking it up. This was...

Sheldon was trying to find some friction but with his legs hanging off the bed, he had no leverage. He moaned with frustration and kept squirming.

Leonard ran his tongue against Sheldon's. A quick taste at first, followed by a more thorough exploration. This might actually be...

Oops. French kissing was not on the approved list of sexual acts.

Sheldon wasn't complaining. He was moving under Leonard. Undulating. Arching and mewling like a cat.

A neurotic in the kitchen, Zazzles in the bedroom.

If Sheldon was already allowing him to violate the pre-approved agreement in re sexual congress, what else could be on the table? A blow job? This was actually turning out to be...

Only a matter of time until he was ejaculating in Sheldon's ear canal.

Leonard laughed into that eager mouth. Sheldon looked offended.

Leonard nibbled on his ear and all was forgiven. Oh, yeah. This Sheldon was much more agreeable. He could live with this Sheldon.

His best friend.

A guy.

A guy who fucked his mom less than 24 hours ago.

A guy who couldn't keep a secret or shut up.

Howard would know.

Raj would know.

Penny would know. That door would be slammed shut forever.

Leonard scrambled off of Sheldon and fumbled through his bedside table for his inhaler.

When he could breath again, he looked at Sheldon. The lanky physicist looked mildly concerned but not put out. Only the erection tenting his plaid pants served as proof of what he and Leonard were about to do.

Were doing.

"Is this normal, Leonard?"

"I don't know what's wrong. It's just so random..." So lame.

"Did you have too much time to reflect on the current situation? Well, that's disapointing. If you'll excuse me, I'll go masturbate."

"No, Sheldon."

"I know I agreed in Article 38 section 4 of the friendship agreement to no longer alert you when I planned to masturbate but I think the circumstances..."

Leonard put his hand over that troublesome mouth. Hot breath against his hand, Sheldon's eyes widened. This was madness and a mistake but Sheldon was a universal constant. 0,0,0,0.

"Get in the middle of the bed, Sheldon. I'm going to rock your world and then Howard and I are going to kick your ass at Halo."

Sheldon glared but moved to the center of the bed. The exact center. As Leonard climbed on the bed, Sheldon spread his long legs slightly, making room for his roommate to mount him. That was on the list. Why would Sheldon agree to... that so easily?

Leonard climbed on top of Sheldon, again. Now his crotch was a millimeter from Sheldon's. Practically missionary position.

"Would you really let me have anal sex with you?"

"I created those lists specifically so we wouldn't have to have this discussion."

"It's just kind of a big thing."

Sheldon looked down between their bodies.

"I don't mean THAT is a big thing. Not that it's a small thing. I haven't had complaints. We shouldn't talk."

Sheldon agreed by pulling Leonard in for another kiss.

The lanky physicist had taken a few steps back in technique but won points for enthusiasm. And for moaning. He always thought he wanted Sheldon to be quiet but it turned out, vocal Sheldon was amazing. It was only his words that were annoying. The timbre of his voice was actually pretty hot. A deep voice. Sheldon could hum and...

Leonard pulled his mouth free from all those teeth trailed kisses along his roommate's jaw and down his pale neck. The Adam's apple was disconcerting but kind of cool. The way it moved so rapidly, letting Leonard know unequivocally that he was totally rocking someone's world. Usually, he had to wonder and worry but tonight he had a running tally of his points written all over Sheldon's body. He was totally going to break all his previous records.

When he paused to watch his friend's face, Sheldon hesitantly opened his eyes. He had really nice eyes. Pretty eyes. His pupils were huge with arousal. Just a tiny ring of blue. He mussed the short dark hair, made him look a little less Sheldony. A little more...sexy. Wanton.

He was surprised to feel a light touch on his hair. Long and dexterous fingers pulling curls straight and serious blues watching the inevitable retraction and a breathy voice, "I've been waiting 8 years to do that."

Leonard pressed his erection against Sheldon's and began to move. The friction was amazing, the hand that suddenly clutched in his hair was amazing.

Sheldon was pressing right back, moving a little spasmodically but Leonard had the upper hand and could keep that delicious rhythm. Dry humping. He hadn't done this since high school. Elizabeth. She wouldn't let him put his hand under her shirt but she was okay with anything over the clothes. Anything.

He ground his hips into his friend as his mind raced. What should they do? This? Shouldn't some clothes come off?

"Oh, Leonard." Sheldon's voice cracked, he was panting.

Hell, yeah. He slid a hand under the ubiquitous tee-shirts and felt that smooth belly, moved up to an erect nipple. A little squeeze...

"Oh, Leonard... Stop. Stop now."

Sheldon was seriously starting to wiggle away. NOW he was going to change his mind? Leonard tried to gentle him with a kiss as he kept moving and...

"Oh!"

So that was Sheldon's "O" face. Good to know. His long slim body tensed and stayed tense, his face contorted in pleasure. Leonard gently pressed his hips to Sheldon's, bringing those aftershock shivers.

Now what?

Sheldon pushed Leonard off of him and onto the bed and quickly left the room.

Wham, bam, thank you, Leonard.

Was he coming back? Should Leonard go after him?

Now what was the protocol?


	7. Chapter 7

Leonard had made Sheldon come in his atrocious plaid pants and now he was alone and hard on his bed while his roommate took a shower.

It wasn't his best sexual experience but sadly, it was far from his worst.

He stroked himself through his jeans and debated whether or not to masturbate. Was he ready to jerk off thinking about dry humping one of the great minds of the 21st century? It seemed a slippery slope.

Watch your ass, George Smoot. You're next.

The shower stopped. Already? Sheldon made out with his roommate, ejaculated in his pants AND took a short shower all in one day? Clearly he was a pod person. Or maybe Beverly had broken him.

Then Sheldon was back in his room.

Without knocking.

Leonard still had his dick in his hand.

"Um... You came back!" Casually remove hand from throbbing member.

Sheldon looked confused. He had changed into his Thursday outfit. Naturally, he couldn't just change his pants, that would be madness. His clothes clung to his damp body. He had clearly done a hasty job of drying off.

"I don't understand your surprise, Leonard. Were we done?"

"I thought you were, you know, done."

"While you were able to 'rock my world' in record time, I hardly returned the favor."

Looking at the tall man's face, Leonard experienced a warm gooey feeling in his stomach. He wasn't used to anyone looking at him with such love and... desire. The fact that Sheldon would surely pluck out his own eyeballs if he realized how they were betraying his thoughts, well that made it even better.

Or was it crazier?

No, it was hotter.

"For what it's worth, Buddy, you have given my world a good shaking."

"Sarcasm?"

"No, " Leonard waved at his persistent erection, "Pretty damn sincere."

"Oh, good, I'm glad. I was concerned that my pawing at you with the gusto and skill of a juvenile gibbon might have been off putting."

Sheldon climbed on to the bed next to Leonard. Their shoulders just barely touched. The effect was intense.

"You really didn't need to put on different clothes. You could have just put on a robe or a towel."

"I see your logic but we both know that was never an option. Also, I was torn between returning to your room, hiding in my own room for the rest of my life or jumping out the bathroom window."

"Bazinga?"

"Oh, how I wish it were."

There was a flush to those pale cheeks that wasn't purely desire.

"It's like on Star Trek. You see the guy in the red shirt and you know he's not going to be around for long but he's still important. He moves the plot along and... builds tension."

He looked up at his friend to see if he'd made his point and ended up with his nose in Sheldon's mouth. Sheldon shook his head and pressed Leonard to the bed, kissing him in earnest. There seemed to be at least twelve hands on him, stroking and squeezing everywhere but where he really needed a hand to stroke and squeeze. His jacket and sweatshirt were being tugged off impatiently.

"Why are you wearing so many layers? We live in Pasadena."

"We can't all be as free with our bodies as you, Sheldon."

Lying on his back in a tee-shirt and jeans, he felt surprisingly exposed. Sheldon was staring at his waist. His long fingers nudged the bottom of Leonard's tee-shirt up slightly, exposing the flesh of his stomach. He lowered his mouth and gently kissed Leonard's belly, his lips moving down towards his belt. Those hands were shaking when they undid Leonard's belt and unbuttoned his jeans. His hand slid in just far enough to feel pubic hair. Leonard lay perfectly still and wondered what Sheldon intended to do. He couldn't think of a thing he would say no to, especially when the hand wrapped around his erection.

"Well, that is a big thing." Sheldon quickly yanked Leonard's pants off and tossed them on the floor. His recycling shirt soon met the same fate and he was left wearing socks, glasses and a nervous smile. Sheldon stared. And stared.

"You've seen me naked before."

"The night the heat went out. The one time I intentionally thought about your grandmother carving the turkey..."

"I think we all were. It's not like any of us are used to having a warm body in our beds. So... me and Raj naked..."

"I hadn't thought of Raj in that way yet. Roll over."

Leonard obliged and decided absolutely not to ask any more questions.

"So when did you start feeling attracted to Raj."

"When he started working for me."

"With you."

"Can we stop talking, you are distracting me."

"From staring at my ass?"

"Yes." Sheldon stared a bit more. No one had ever looked at him like... most people didn't look at him at all. Sheldon ran his hand over the exposed buttocks in as chaste a manor as you can caress another man's ass and then began to take his clothes off. He neatly folded his clothing and placed the pile on Leonard's night stand. He then removed Leonard's glasses and added them to the stand. The Texan was declaring it was business time.

As they resumed kissing, it became clear that the ogling would be a one way street. Sheldon would tolerate no such nonsense from Leonard. If Leonard had time to stare he had time to...?

Prepare?

Leonard pulled away from Sheldon to fumble through his bed side drawer.

"Asthma attack?"

Leonard had to put the lube right up to his face to read it. He didn't want to risk using the wrong bottle. Not since the Icey Hot catastrophe of 2001.

Sheldon let out a shuddery breath.

"You can take it off the table."

Those guiless bright blue eyes stared at the table in confusion.

"I mean, you can say you don't want to do this."

"I can't say that. You know I'm a terrible liar."

Their eyes met briefly, Sheldon quickly looked away. Now he was shy. Leonard pushed Sheldon's legs apart and knelt between them. Despite his words, Sheldon was clearly nervous. He looked vulnerable. And beautiful. He kissed his friend deeply, stroking his short hair. The gangly physicist relaxed, tensing briefly at the cold feel of lubricant.

"Sorry about that."

Leonard rubbed gentle circles until his finger was able to ease in.

Sheldon moaned.

Gentle kisses, lots of gentle gentle kisses. The second finger was a tight fit. When he stroked Sheldon's erection, his normally taciturn roommate growled and ground his hips into the bed. Good sign. All good signs.

With three fingers, he was able to stimulate the prostate and lost some hair in Sheldon's shaking hands.

"Is it okay, Shelly?"

No verbal response but a disappointed guttural noise when he carefully removed his fingers from Sheldon's entrance.

Leonard's hands were shaking as he put the first condom on inside out. He dropped the second. Third time was a charm.

Sheldon stared, open mouthed as Leonard coated himself with lubricant. He barely blinked as Leonard pressed him back and pressed...

And pressed...

Sheldon's eyes squeezed closed and he whimpered.

And he pressed his way inside.

There was a distinct danger of another "red shirt" on the horizon.

Grandma carving turkey.

He began to move.

Sheldon gripped the sheets and whimpered. He'd never felt anything so intense. There was discomfort mixed with... ecstasy?

He had no control over the way his hips ground into Leonard. No control over the embarrassing noises that kept working their way from his throat.

Was that a growl?

The smaller man, in height anyway, pulled Sheldon's legs onto his shoulders. That was even deeper. He didn't think it could be deeper. He yanked the fitted sheet from the bed and twisted it in his fist.

"Is it good?" Leonard asked in a voice that was deep and breathy and thick with arousal.

Sheldon felt tears forming in his eyes.

"Shelly... is it good?"

Lying in bed, listening to Leonard's carnal activities, he had wondered why women didn't just answer Leonard and shut him up. Weren't they sick of being asked?

Leonard quickened his pace and Sheldon cried out. When he slowed into long slow thrusts, Sheldon whimpered.

"Does it feel good?"

Sheldon couldn't form a word. Tears were starting to roll down his cheeks. How mortifying. He buried his face in Leonard's shoulder. His friend responded with quick hard thrusts.

"Wahaagha."

First attempt at forming a word: failure.

Those full lips were on his neck, kissing his tears, covering his mouth. Moving down his throat. A hand clasped over his aching penis and...

"Gaaaadt."

Closer to an actual word.

"Is it good?"

So close. So close.

He threw his hands over his head and grabbed the edge of the bed. He used what little leverage he could muster to meet Leonard's thrusts. Leonard groaned and his thrusts went from methodical to rough and erratic. It would be a race to the finish. Sheldon was the theorist but Leonard knew real world applications. This was better than his fantasies. Sheldon's fantasies were tepid and bland compared to the raw heat and power of actually having Leonard inside him, f-. Not comfortable with that word.

Fucking him. Hard.

Leonard pressed Sheldon's legs forward, squeezing and stroking and thrusting and...

Sheldon growled when he ejaculated. Leonard continued to thrust until...

The penis inside him expanded with orgasm and Sheldon sobbed. The face above him contorted, teeth clenched. He looked wild. He looked handsome.

His roommate finally collapsed in a panting heap on top of his own stretched and exhausted body.

"That was amazing," Leonard mumbled, hot breath in Sheldon's ear.

"I know."

Leonard finally had his answer.


	8. Chapter 8

Leonard was still inside Sheldon, panting like a dog when he heard the incoming text message.

He looked at his phone and saw the time. Oh, no.

He read the message.

Raj and Howard. Twenty minutes top to get themselves together. Twenty minutes to make everything seem... normal?

In his panic, Leonard made three major mistakes.

The first mistake was grabbing a shirt off his bed stand to wipe the semen off of Sheldon's belly. It was Sheldon's shirt.

"Leonard! They don't make a bleach alternative strong enough to make this wearable again!"

The second was suggesting they save time by showering together.

"Why, that's a great idea, Leonard. First we'll take a shower together and then we'll go buy a van and follow the Grateful Dead around the country. I hear they are groovy. Shall I call you Lenny from now on? By the way, that was sarcasm!"

He let Sheldon get in the shower first and then just jumped in after him.

"I see we need to revisit the roommate agreement."

Sheldon seemed totally unaffected by what they had just done. He went through his usual showering routine, with the occasional glare in Leonard's direction. Sheldon had yet to make eye contact but was far from unusual. Sheldon often avoiding looking at people or "cheated" and stared people in the eyebrow.

Leonard was feeling affected. Very very affected and utterly incapable of dealing with this... affection.

Not the word he was looking for. After he managed to get most of the soap off, Leonard ran to his room to toss on clothes and then to Sheldon's room to get yet another outfit.

Friday's outfit. Sheldon currently had nine pairs of pants so it was a simple nine day rotation. Khakis were up. 12 days rotation on undershirts... black and yellow stripped long sleeve. What was the algorithm for tee-shirts? It's a thirty day month, with four Fridays. Last month had five Fridays so... the Flash? He went thru the calculations again. The Flash. Searching for the right Flash tee-shirt, he noticed the shirt he had made for Sheldon after their trip to the North Pole was shoved way back in the closet behind a ratty sweater. He could have sworn Sheldon liked the shirt when he gave it to him...

Why was he trying to understand Sheldon? You can't understand the why of Sheldon, you can only study the patterns.

Underwear and socks from the Friday bins... Or should it be Wed? It should be Wednesday socks and underwear. Why else would they be sorted into bins with no schematic in place to keep them from being unevenly worn. He put the clothes in the shower and encouraged Sheldon to hurry up.

"Of course, Leonard. While I speed thru my showering routine, would you be a lamb and grow two inches taller? Everything's possible when Leonard Hofstader is in a hurry..."

He closed the door behind him and then there was a knock.

Just be cool. Be normal. Be cool. Be normal.

Howard and Raj were all a-twitter from a lecture at the planetarium. They were already opening the Thai food when Raj asked, "Where's Sheldon?"

"In the shower."

Howard dropped his fork. "Sheldon is taking a shower this close to Halo time? Did you sneeze on him?

"And why are you all wet," added Raj, "I thought you had to take your showers after Sheldon so he had time to properly bleach away your epidermal sludge before his next shower."

Leonard realized his third mistake. He didn't have a cover story for why Sheldon had strayed from his schedule. Leonard's mind was blank.

"Were you running away from a dog?" asked Howard.

"Did someone give you swirlies?" Raj's face was the picture of empathy.

"We were..." Anything. Anything! "We were having sex."

It felt good to say it. And now it could never be unsaid.

The shower stopped.

Sheldon looked at his Friday outfit hanging on the door. Wednesday socks and underwear. He was impressed. For a genius, Leonard was often slow to pick up simple things like a rotating monthly tee-shirt schedule. Too bad the Flash was a red shirt. He was not about to put on a red shirt. His cheeks warmed at the memory of his loss of control. Just the tip of the embarrassing iceberg that kept slogging through his normally sharp mind.

He could hear Howard and Raj laughing, he needed to pick out a new shirt quickly. He darted to his room and scanned for a shirt with no uncomfortable red on it. At the back of his closet, behind the sweater Meemaw had knitted him when he moved to the east coast for his second Ph.D. was his "Welcome to Flatland" tee-shirt. Leonard had given it to him over a year ago but he had yet to put it in his monthly rotation. It was royal blue with periwinkle writing. The line segments were assorted shades of blue, brown and white.

"I thought the blue would bring out your eyes," Leonard had explained, "and it's a conversation starter so it will bring out your crazy."

Sheldon put the shirt on. The light refraction from the shirt emphasized the blue of his eyes. Sheldon wondered if it made him look more attractive. He thought he had moved past this nonsense.

Leonard was clearing away any damning evidence of what had just occurred between them.

Sheldon imagined he could see a streak on the mirror. He needed to clean the mirror. He needed to clean all the mirrors. He needed to take another shower.

"Get your ass out here, Sheldon!" bellowed Howard, sounding remarkably like his mother.

He would play Halo. Leonard would probably forget all about what had happened. How Sheldon had reacted. Leonard was capable of forgetting. Sheldon would remember crying and whimpering like... who? Who acted like that? Sheldon looked at his reflection but not in the eye. He focused on his eyebrows.

Sheldon walked into the room wearing the "Flatlands" shirt. What did that mean?

"So, Sheldon, what's up with the late evening shower?" Raj asked the moment Sheldon appeared.

Leonard dropped his head into his hands.

"Leonard and I played a rousing game of Dance, Dance Revolution and we both perspired as a result of the activity."

Sheldon's face was impassive but Leonard heard the smugness in his voice. He was so proud of his cleverness.

Leonard could have thought of something. Should have thought of something. Owed it to Sheldon's honor? dignity? to come up with something.

"Is the horizontal mambo a new download for DDR?" asked Raj with exaggerated curiosity.

"Or were you doing the dance that 'dares not speak it's name?'" snorted Howard.

Sheldon looked confused.

"Cool it, guys. It's Halo time, " snapped Leonard. He could barely look at Sheldon.

"You guys need a new TV," whined Raj, "You should register for one."

Howard snarfed his juice box.

"I don't understand your use of the term register in that statement." Sheldon was honestly baffled. This was going to be so bad.

"Never mind," snorted Howard, "What are the teams this week? Is it my turn to be Leonard's best man?"

Raj sighed, "Story of my life. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride."

Leonard felt sick. Sheldon still looked mildly confused.

"Sheldon... I told them."

"Told them what?"

"Really? I need to elaborate after a bridesmaid joke? ... I told them, why we needed showers. I told them the truth."

Sheldon's face was totally blank but his cheeks were flushed. He stared Leonard right in the eyebrows and asked, "Why?"

"I just... I didn't want to lie." And it wasn't a lie.

Howard threw his hands in the air, "It's no big deal, guys! So you're hooking up? You've been making Leonard your bitch for years, now it's official."

"It was always a matter of time. I've read enough trashy novels to know this was the inevitable trajectory of your bromance. Accept that you are a cliche and let's play Halo," added Raj.

Sheldon was still staring at Leonard and Leonard had no answers for the questions bubbling just under the surface of that seemingly placid face.

"C'mon, Sheldon," wheedle Howard, "We have to bust chops. It's a social convention. We make jokes, cast aspersions, lighten the mood and then we can all move on."

Maybe that would have worked if Penny hadn't chosen that moment to arrive.

Howard yelled, "Come in" at the sound of knocking.

Penny took in the tension in the room, Sheldon's red face and the way Leonard was slumped so far in his seat he was almost on the floor. She forgot all about her broken laptop.

"What's going on?"

Sheldon snapped back to 'normal'.

"Well, what good timing! You've come just in time to play crazy world!" announced Sheldon, standing up and making a grand sweeping gesture around the room, "We're in a world where I'm the only person who can keep a secret and Howard is the nice one! Maybe you'd like to write some quadratic formulas on my white board while Raj fills you in on the latest gossip!"

"What's going on?"

"Go ahead, Raj, fill'er in!" continued Sheldon sounding disturbingly cheerful and Texan.

Raj stared at Penny with huge eyes as his mouth opened and closed like a landed fish.

But Sheldon was right. It was crazy world and Raj was just able to squeak out, "Leonard is doing Sheldon!"

"We'll talk later," Penny had promised Sheldon.

"We'll talk later," Penny had threatened Leonard.

Raj and Sheldon thoroughly whipped Leonard and Howard. Howard explained to Raj the term was '69' not '96'. Howard made a six and a nine with his fingers and demonstrated, rather obscenely, that the order of the numbers was significant.

"Like Hofstader a few hours ago, you are going down, Raj!"

"As Sheldon was saying to Leonard right before we got here... You can suck it, my tiny friend."

Sheldon glared and looked prudishly uncomfortable but that was baseline for the sheltered Texan.

Leonard laughed at the better zingers. It helped if he didn't look at Sheldon. He kept Raj and Howard as long as he could but it was only delaying the inevitable. He was going to be flayed alive by a man one lab accident away from being a supervillan.

Sheldon sat on the couch, in his spot, looking down at Flatland, perhaps mid-visit.

"The shirt looks good on you."

"Does it?"

"Um, yeah. It makes your eyes... 'pop'? I think I'm using that word right."

"We can ask Penny when she speaks to us later."

"Yeah."

"Leonard?"

"Yeah?"

"Why does Penny want to talk to us later?"

Leonard shrugged and sat down on the couch next to Sheldon, making a point to leave plenty of personal space, "I think she wants to offer you friendship and support and she wants to rip me a new one for thinking with my penis."

"I wish you had told me in advance that you were intending to inform our social circle of my, our actions." Freudian slip. That meant something.

"I didn't intend to tell anyone, it just came out, " it sounded lame to Leonard and yet, "Why should we have to keep secrets from our best friends? I'm not sorry they know but I am sorry I made the decision for you. That was wrong."

Sheldon's posture was stiff as a board and his face impassive. Mr. Spock couldn't have looked more stoic.

Leonard gave Sheldon a very quick and very awkward hug, "I'm so sorry, Buddy. You're friendship is really important to me."

Then he hid in his room.

Leonard was wide awake when Sheldon began knocking. How would he ever sleep in this bed again?

When Sheldon entered the room, he stared at the bed as though he hadn't expected it to still be there. Like Leonard should have had the decency to burn it and Sheldon's semen covered Green Lantern shirt to boot.

"I would like to make a request, Leonard."

"Go on, " Leonard's mouth was suddenly dry with a mix of hope and fear.

"I would prefer you not discuss the details of our encounter with others in re my... lack of skill and endurance." He didn't even pretend to look Leonard in the face. He just stared at the wall.

"It's not like it was my shining moment of bedroom prowess..."

"It wasn't?"

"God, no! I can usually last longer and..."

"Don't tell anyone I cried."

"Your eyes were watery, there's a difference as I've said..."

"I can't imagine how you could have improved your performance."

"Is that a challenge?"

"A statement of fact. A challenge would be more along the lines of 'I dare you to improve upon your earlier performance'".

Sheldon looked him in the eye. Leonard accepted the challenge.

For once, Sheldon did not mind admitting that Leonard was right.


	9. Chapter 9

It was Christmas eve. Sheldon was celebrating by working on a paper and Leonard had been enjoying some festive World of Warcraft. Leonard closed his laptop and stretched. It was time to go to bed so he could wake up early and watch tv. He was starting to think he should have just put up a tree and let Sheldon yell. He could have put it up on the 17th and let Sheldon yell for eight nights and gotten the Hanukkah experience as well. Next year.

"What is the likelihood of sex tonight?"

Sheldon didn't even look up from his computer, "Too small to be worth calculating."

Leonard gave Sheldon a kiss on the cheek, "Then I'm going to sleep."

As he was speaking he noticed an IM pop up from his mother. Sheldon and Beverly were working on a paper together. Of course they would both be celebrating Christmas eve with some scholarly drudge work.

"Isn't it a little weird working with my mom, now?"

"Because I once engaged in coitus with her? Or because I am currently in a sexual relationship with you?"

"Um. Both, I guess."

"No. We don't discuss such things."

"I guess that's a relief. I'm not looking forward to telling her about us."

"What about us?"

"That we're, you know, a couple."

Sheldon pursed his lips.

"Have you already told her?"

"I didn't know it was a secret, Leonard."

"It wasn't a secret it's just... Whatever. I guess you've spared me the coming out process. Wanna tell my dad?"

"I hardly think he and I have the kind of relationship..."

"Kidding, Sheldon."

Sheldon gave breathy laugh.

"But seriously, Sheldon, don't tell my mom anything about us. I don't want her prying into my sex life... What have you told her?"

"She had a few questions about your sexual development, your penis, what positions you find most sexually gratifying..."

"Well, as long as it's nothing personal that I wouldn't want my MOTHER to know about. Come to bed. If you sleep in my bed I promise not to talk in my sleep this time. You can work on this tomorrow."

Sheldon sighed, "I'm finding it very difficult to write for a nueroscientific journal. The jargon is so field-specific."

"There's actually one Hofstadter tradition that doesn't make you want to kill yourself. Every New Year's Eve we draw topics from a hat... Well now we use a random generator but the point is, we each pick a scientific field and try to get something published in that field. It's kind of fun. One year I got infertility studies and got published in The American Journal or Reproductive Innovations and Marie Claire!"

"I've noticed such eccentricities in your CV but I've never been interested enough to ask about it. How I envy the rigorous intellectual demands of your childhood. One can only imagine how I would have thrived in such an environment. I would be even smarter and more accomplished."

"It wasn't as great as it apparently sounds to you."

"You were challenged at every turn..."

"And never ever felt like I was good enough."

"Your parents introduced you to a world of complexity and innovation..."

"I wet the bed until I was fourteen."

"I would have been able to finish high school much faster..."

"We weren't allowed to skip grades. My sister gave a frog a heart transplant for her sixth grade science project. I assisted. Turns out, no IRB in sixth grade science fairs."

"I'd already have a Nobel Prize..."

"You wouldn't have been special. You would have been one genius in a family of geniuses. You wouldn't even have been the tall one. Michael would have been younger and taller _and_ he's really good looking. You'd have been a loser like me."

"Don't be absurd..."

"You know what happens to a tree that grows in the shade of a taller tree. You'd probably be 5'6. There would be no one in this apartment who could reach the top shelf. No one would ever be impressed with or surprised by anything you did."

Sheldon contemplated a world in which he would not be special.

"I've changed my mind, I want to have sex tonight."

"Yeah ya do! Welcome to the world of Leonard!" he grabbed Sheldon by the hand and led him to his bedroom, "Let's get some self-esteem the old fashioned way."

Leonard jumped on his bed and waved Sheldon over.

"This is what it would be like if I were Leonard Cooper and you were Sheldon Hofstadter," he laughed as he leaned down to kiss Sheldon. His laughter soon dissipated as Sheldon explored his mouth with his tongue. Leonard tasted like Brandy and apple cider and, of course, Leonard. Sheldon slid his partner's pajama bottoms and boxers down his hips until they pooled around his ankles. Leonard gave another nervous laugh. For someone so perpetually obsessed with coitus, his roommate was oddly shy about being naked. Beverly had some interesting theories on the subject. Sheldon wondered if that was yet another topic he should not discuss with Leonard's mother.

Sheldon pulled Leonard's shirt up so he could kiss his stomach. Leonard groaned softly. He was so responsive to the feel of Sheldon's mouth anywhere near his phallus, Sheldon had wondered if he'd become fixated at the phallic stage. Beverly felt Leonard's problems stemmed from the oral stage. As he kissed his way towards a dark thatch of pubic hair he began to wonder if it really wasn't appropriate to discuss such issues with Leonard's mother. While he felt perfectly comfortable describing the way Leonard whimpered as Sheldon's mouth moved towards his erection, he would never discuss the strange possessiveness it aroused in his own mind. Fellating Leonard was like putting him in a plastic cover and locking him away with his other precious possessions. It was a declaration of ownership and need.

He would never tell anyone about those feelings. Certainly not Leonard.

Leonard whispered, "Oh, Sheldon" as Sheldon took him in his mouth. The position was awkward but he liked the way standing on the bed left Leonard unstable. If he let go of those slim hips, his small friend would no doubt fall over. He needed Sheldon in so many ways at that moment.

Sheldon quickened his pace, working the base of Leonard's penis as he ran his lips up and down the shaft. Leonard clutched short dark hair and mumbled incoherently until he said, very clearly, "I'm almost there. I'm going to come."

Sheldon appreciated the warning but he had no interest in retreating. The taste was bitter but somehow not unpleasant. Leonard moaned when Sheldon pulled him in for another kiss.

No, he would never tell anyone how he felt in those moments.

He lowered Leonard from his shaky legs to a prone position on the bed. He climbed on top of his partner and kisses him thoroughly. He wasn't sure how to proceed.

"What are you thinking, buddy?" Leonard's voice was hoarse.

"I was wondering..." he cursed the Christian upbringing that made such conversations so difficult, "if we could try... something different."

"Anything you want as long as you keep... Oh! Oh that! Okay."

Leonard had offered on several occasions but Sheldon had always been hesitant. Leonard was by far the more sexually experienced and Sheldon usually preferred to let him take the lead.

"Do you..." Leonard searched for the words, "Do you want me to prepare... myself?"

Sheldon's mind yelled "Yes! That is a capital idea!" but his pride made him say, "No. I want to."

He fished through Leonard's disaster of a bedside drawer for the lubricant. He made sure to warm it with his fingers before reaching between Leonard's legs. He felt inexplicably nervous as he traced his finger around Leonard's entrance. His first finger slid in easily, there was no sign of discomfort on his partner's face. He worked one finger until Leonard yelled, "Come on!" He was so impatient.

By the time he had three fingers stretching his friend, Leonard was whimpering, "Please, now. Please."

Sheldon carefully lubricated his condom sheathed erection and moved back between Leonard's now quivering thighs. His roommate really needed to learn patience. As Sheldon slowly pressed himself inside, Leonard demonstrated his complete lack of patience by wrapping his legs around Sheldon's hips and forcing a quicker entry.

Sheldon squeezed his eyes shut and thought about Mrs. Wolowitz doing her water aerobics.

"Fuck me, Shel... Oh Shelly."

He tried to take his time. He wanted this to be good. Worth waiting for.

"Right there. Oh my god. Right there. Again. Please."

He needed his noise canceling headphones. Instead he covered Leonard's mouth with his own. He was pleased to note Leonard's kisses were as desperate as his own. In an effort to get some control over the situation, Sheldon pulled his roommate's legs over his shoulders so he could control the pace. The new position allowed him even deeper access. It was even tighter and hotter and... Leslie Winkle's theories on quantum gravity.

"Did you just call out Leslie's name while fucking me?"

"Shut up, Leonard."

He felt Leonard's laugh rumble through his body. It was too much. He began to move in earnest. He worked Leonard's shaft with his hand as he thrust. He tried to keep two separate rhythms in a last ditch attempt to extend the proceedings.

"Oh...god...oh Sheldon."

He liked the sound of that.

"Okay. Okay. I'm... Okay."

Sheldon watched Leonard's face crumple into that familiar look of near pain as he ejaculated. He was able to manage a few more thrusts, enough to make Leonard whimper, before he found his own release. He pressed deep inside his best friend, his... Leonard and let go.

"Wow. That was amazing. I'm calling that my Christmas gift," Leonard was still panting.

"Fine."

"You're not going to argue with me?"

Sheldon wrapped his arms around Leonard and pulled him close, "It hardly seems worthwhile."

"Wow. It's a Christmas miracle."

He snuggled into Sheldon's chest. He liked the way Sheldon clutched him so possessively, as though there were anyone on the planet interested in taking him away. This was what it was like to feel special. Huh.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: The Day After Valentine's Day  
Author: Concupid  
Fandom: TBBT  
Characters: Leonard/Sheldon  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Smut and fluff.  
Summary: The title says it all.  
Notes: A continuation of my whatever works series, following up on A Christmas Miracle .

Sheldon woke up in Leonard's bed with his roommate's arms wrapped around him. He was sore from last night's rather athletic sexual activities.

He tried to shift Leonard off of him but his roommate simply snuggled in more aggressively. It was going to be one of those mornings.

"Did you enjoy last night's re-creation of the first time we engaged in coitus?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice..."

"How could I fail to notice that we were eating Italian on a Monday?"

Leonard was drawing a circle on Sheldon's chest with his finger, he was studiously avoiding eye contact. Yes, it would be one of those mornings.

"I know you didn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day because it's not a real holiday..."

"I don't object to your helpless romanticizing of our sexual relationship."

Leonard sighed and pulled away, "Wake me up when you're out of the shower."

"Did I offend you, Leonard?" Leonard laughed and and shook his head and shrugged and said "no" twice. That was a definite yes. One would imagine a man of science would not be so sensitive and prone to emotionality but Leonard was the sum of his faults and Sheldon had decided long ago that he was worth the effort.

"I was merely acknowledging the fact that our sexual relationship has caused you to experience romantic feelings towards me. The release of hormones, specifically oxytocin, creates..."

"I know the science. Go take a shower."

"I was surprised that you skipped the shower interlude last night."

"Hmmph?" Leonard was face down in his pillow.

"Following our first sexual contact, we took a shower together."

"I was just jumping in to... are you asking me to take a shower with you?"

Leonard's eyes had brightened and there was a slight flush to his cheeks. Sheldon gave himself a mental pat on the back. He had "nailed it".

Sheldon had worked out the logistics in his mind many times. He felt certain they would be able to make it to work on time as long as Leonard was cooperative. As soon as his roommate climbed in the shower, Sheldon pulled him in for a kiss. His back protested as he leaned over. Leonard had been quite... vigorous the night before. He turned his back to the soothing hot water and as he continued to kiss and explore the smaller man.

"Someone who didn't know better might think this was romantic," Leonard's voice was breathy and teasing as Sheldon kissed his pale chest and stroked his arousal.

"Someone who equates sexual activities with love would no doubt draw that conclusion."

Leonard moaned when Sheldon mouthed his nipple, "You don't feel any differently about me now than you did before we started having sex?"

He lifted Leonard up against the shower wall, propping him up on his thighs. Even with Sheldon's dubious upper body strength, he felt he could keep his friend secure in this position.

Leonard squinted down at his feet dangling above the ground and whispered, "This is really hot..."

"My feelings for and about you have not changed." Sheldon awkwardly poured conditioner onto his hand and began to prepare Leonard. The configuration was awkward but Sheldon was increasingly drawn to positions that allowed him complete control over their activities. Leonard has some unflattering opinions on the subject but he offered no complaints as Sheldon slid a second finger inside. He was far less argumentative when he was aroused. It behooved Sheldon to keep his roommate sexually excited as often as possible.

"I think you do feel..." he pressed himself against Leonard's entrance intentionally distracting his roommate's train of thought , "feel something.. for me. Hang on."

Sheldon stilled his hips and waited for Leonard to relax. He felt the change before Leonard spoke but he waited for the go ahead. He loved hearing Leonard say it.

"More."

He tangled a hand in Leonard's thick damp curls and began to thrust. He wanted to take his time and enjoy the hot water and Leonard's hot mouth and the heat that engulfed him below.

Leonard was laughing.

"Why are you snickering?" He thrust more aggressively, momentarily silencing his partner.

Momentarily.

"Not... snickering... Oh, god... throaty chuckle... That's... oh, that's right there..."

Leonard was silenced briefly by Sheldon's mouth but the moment Sheldon withdrew his tongue...

"Didn't do... this the... fuck... first time." Leonard's fingers were digging into his shoulders and his jaw was clenched in a way that meant he was getting close.

After all this time, Leonard still wouldn't do it unless it was Sheldon's suggestion so he whispered into water droplet covered ear, "Stroke yourself."

Leonard groaned and obliged, his fist bumping against Sheldon's belly as he continued to thrust into the clenching heat. Sheldon focused on the pulled muscle in his leg as he quickened his pace, causing Leonard to mutter a stream of obscenities. He stared at his roommate's face as he approached his orgasm. First came the jaw clench, then the lip biting, then he'd grab the back of Sheldon's neck and press their foreheads together... Leonard's forehead was pressed to his own, he was almost there.

Sheldon had no skill for "pillow talk" and certainly none for "dirty talk" but knew what to say in this situation.

"Leonard."

Clearly Leonard had momentarily forgotten how well sound travels in a bathroom. His cry as he ejaculated reverberated through the room and probably into the bathrooms above and below them. What would Mrs. Vartabedian think? Sheldon gave him a long and deep kiss as he moved towards his own orgasm. Now was the time he could just focus on what he was doing and who he was doing it to... He was inside Leonard. He had just made Leonard cry out in pleasure. In a moment he would ejaculate inside the person he cared for more than order, hygiene and routine. The only person who made him long to be closer. He gripped his partner's hips tightly as he lost his mind; Just a moment of pure mindless pleasure while Leonard stroked his hair and tried to say "I love you, Sheldon," without using the dreaded l-word. The water was turning cold, his legs were wobbly and he hadn't actually washed any of his body parts. And they needed to leave for work.

"It's just so good being with you... like this... Not just the physical part... I'm sorry. I'm babbling."

"I love you, Leonard."

"I just want to express... what did you say?"

"I won't repeat it," he was trying to disentangle himself without dropping his roommate.

"But... are you saying that to make me shut up?"

Sheldon kissed his favorite person in the world who happened to be naked and wet and in a haze of post-coital euphoria.

"If I did, I clearly failed in my attempt."

"I thought you didn't romanticize sexual activities."

"I don't. The two are unrelated. I feel about you as I have felt about you for years."

Leonard looked confused and suspicious. Sheldon gave him a towel and his glasses and began to dress for the day.

"You could have said that in the bedroom and taken your shower in peace..."

"I have contemplated this particular activity since the first time I heard you masturbate in the shower."

"You can hear me... When was the first time?" Leonard looked horrified. Sheldon's Valentine's Day gift was not working out the way he'd planned.

"The third day, after we watched X-Files."

"You loved me the third day we lived together?"

"No. I wanted to have penetrative sex with you in the shower the third day we lived together. Once again you are romanticizing carnal instincts."

"I don't know what I'm going to do to you tonight, I'm going to have to do a Google search, but I am going to blow your mind."

"You always do." His tone was deliberately facetious but his statement was true, "Now get dressed or we'll be late."

Leonard was hopping on one foot trying to pull on his shoe as Sheldon locked the door. His roommate's hair was still wet and his lips were still swollen. What would Mrs. Vartabedian think, indeed.

"Why are you smirking at me?"

"I'm smiling at you, Leonard. Lasciviously."

"Oh," Leonard gave him one of his goofiest grins, "Cool."

They were in the car before Leonard remembered the social protocol of reciprocity in such declarations.

"I love you, too, Sheldon."

"Obviously. Keep your eyes on the road." 


	11. Chapter 11

Leonard woke up early and made French toast even though it was a cereal day.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes but he ate his breakfast without complaint. Leonard was fairly sure that as long as he didn't say the words, he would be okay.

At lunch, no one argued with Sheldon when he took a strong stance on the Flash vs. Superman in a footrace debate. Raj figuratively bit his tongue in that he remained silent. Howard literally bit his tongue when he tried to argue and got a violent kick under the table from Leonard. He spent the rest of lunch holding a napkin to his bloody tongue while Sheldon explained the physics behind his reasoning.

Leonard went to the comic book store and bought a new Green Lantern shirt. It was a long shirt that hung nearly to his knees but he ripped the tags off and tossed the receipt in the trash and made Stuart promise not to allow him to return the shirt.

He argued vociferously and Sheldon got his chicken chopped although the menu specified "shredded".

He bought the good mustard.

He feigned disapproval when Penny showed up with a cheesecake. He stood beside Sheldon and nodded while the man ranted about the hell of bouncy castles and conical hats. He did, however, slip Penny half the money for the cheesecake before she left and prompted Sheldon to say "thank you". He had nothing to do with the awkward hug that accompanied Sheldon's thank you. He was as shocked as Penny, who was in tears as she left.

Leonard sat on his side of the couch, not touching Sheldon at all as his roommate spoke to his mother on the phone.

"No mother, I'm not having a party. I don't like parties. I'm not having cake. Well, I'm having cheesecake because it was forced upon me by Penny. Yes, I said thank you. Yes, I said it sincerely and I gave her a hug. I hope you are still thrilled when I come down with some horrible Cheesecake Factory-born virus. No, Leonard did not buy me a gift though he fortuitously happened to purchase a shirt far too long for him and was forced to give it to me. I assume that was pure coincidence. Sarcasm. Yes, I'm very pleased with my progress on that front as well."

Leonard enjoyed listening to Sheldon talk to his mother and imagining that he had a mother like Mrs. Cooper. Part of him wanted to tell Sheldon's mother the truth about the change in their relationship and give her a chance to embrace him as her, sort of, son-in-law. There was one small problem with that particular plan, Mrs. Cooper might hate Leonard forever for bringing her son into a life of sin and eternal damnation. While Leonard would be saddened to be scorned and possibly doused with holy water by Mrs. Cooper, it would crush Sheldon to face his mother's disapproval. Although she rarely understood Sheldon and he occasionally "creeped the bejeezus" out of her, her love had always been unconditional. Leonard wondered what _that _was like.

After Sheldon hung up the phone, he took a shower and warmed himself a cup of milk and prepared for bed.

"Leonard, I would like to thank you for refraining from indulging in overly sentimental behavior today. I know how much you enjoy attempting to heal your own psychological wounds by forcing sentimentality upon me."

"You're welcome, Sheldon."

"I like my new shirt."

"I'm glad I bought the wrong size. It worked out well."

"Goodnight, Leonard."

"Actually, there is a birthday tradition I would like to... to which I would like to adhere."

Sheldon smiled at his correct grammar, like it was part of the gift, "Which tradition?"

Leonard climbed off the couch and guided Sheldon into the bedroom.

Leonard untied the bathrobe, pulled up the pajama shirt and the tee-shirt underneath, pulled down the pajama bottoms and the standard white y-fronts. He had suggested Sheldon wear less clothing to bed. It was a mistake he didn't make twice.

He kissed Sheldon's stomach and thighs, enjoying the way his roommate tried so hard to stay still, determined to appear to be in control of his baser instincts. For months, he'd made love to Sheldon like he was disarming a bomb. Even though it had been Sheldon who initiated their physical relationship, Leonard had been perpetually afraid that one wrong move would lead to an explosion. The horrifying result of such an explosion would be inevitably be Sheldon finally remembering that he didn't like to be touched.

Months had gone by and Leonard had learned to relax. Sheldon loved him. He shared a bed with him. He was still afraid of getting a foot fungus from Leonard but he was willing to engage in even some of the most intimate and unhygienic of activities with his roommate. There was no point in trying to discuss or analyze it. Some variables can't be isolated, not on this plane of existence.

Leonard still had to sit on the far side of the couch to watch TV but he was allowed to suck at the sensitive flesh of Sheldon's inner thigh with impunity.

"Leonard, your actions are becoming frustrating."

Maybe not with impunity but he was allowed to do it. He was allowed to mouth Sheldon's testicles, one at a time, until his roommate lost his ability to speak coherently.

"Leonard, please, more. Soon."

He could push Sheldon's legs up so he could kiss the back of his thighs until Sheldon took "matters" into his own hands. Even at this distance, Sheldon's hand working his own erection was a blur without his glasses.

"You shouldn't be so impatient, Sheldon."

"It's my birthday, I believe some impolite behavior is allowed."

He stilled Sheldon's hand, kissing the fingers that remained wrapped around his stiff member. Sheldon gently moved his hand to Leonard's hair and out of Leonard's way.

He liked to start with teasing licks. It was a good way to get the shaft nicely lubricated with added benefit of driving his partner crazy. Because it was the man's birthday, he didn't tease him for long. Sheldon's cock began twitching as soon as Leonard wrapped his mouth around the head and he felt a rush of heat through his own body at Sheldon's strong reaction. He would never cease to be amazed by how strongly Sheldon reacted to his touch. He'd always considered himself a "tries hard" type of lover more than "skilled" but Sheldon made him feel like love god. When (if, if, if) Sheldon ended their relationship, Leonard doubted he would ever feel this good again. There couldn't be another person with whom he would be so physically in-tune. It was always amazing. The first time, the quickies, the 3AM post nightmare sessions... all amazing.

Sucking Sheldon's dick without touching himself was amazing. Sheldon would fall asleep immediately afterward and Leonard would spend roughly two minutes taking care of himself, Sheldon's moans ringing in his ears, and he would feel amazing.

Sheldon's breathing became ragged as Leonard took his entire length and began to move his mouth quickly. His roommate's long legs were twitching with anticipation. He slowed his pace to enjoy the signs of his friend's eagerness and was rewarded with a plaintive moan.

Fussy, bossy, demanding Sheldon.

"Leonard, please."

Charming, adorable, quirky Shelly.

He wrapped his hand around the base of Sheldon's cock and worked it slightly out of sync with the movements of his mouth. Years of gaming finally coming into play as he deftly brought his roommate to the brink. He watched the slim body tense and he knew those long fingered hands were twisting into the sheets, wrinkling the fabric. If Penny saw Leonard on the way to the laundry tomorrow, she'd give him a friendly slug in the arm.

He kept his pace quick as Sheldon swelled and pulsed in his mouth and he felt like a stud when Sheldon growled, "Oh, hell" as he came.

He ran his hands gently over Sheldon's thighs as the taller man twitched with the after shocks of what was apparently one hell of a birthday blow-job. Leonard was painfully hard but he felt satisfied and maybe a little smug. He didn't dare kiss Sheldon anywhere near his mouth before brushing his teeth first so he settled for kissing his pale belly.

"Happy birthday, Shelly."

Sheldon grabbed his wrist when he tried to climb off the bed and head to the bathroom to "take care" of himself.

His roommate rolled onto his side and positioned Leonard into a "spooning" position. Sheldon often tolerated cuddling but he'd never before initiated it. Leonard was confused but happy as Sheldon's hand slid down his chest. His roommate was stultifyingly predictable in so many ways but when he decided to go off-script, he was full of surprises.

Leonard was further pleasantly surprised when Sheldon's hand slid into his boxers and grasped his erection. If Sheldon managed to stay awake post-oral sex AND post-warm milk, Leonard was getting some reciprocal loving.

"I was not aware of the tradition of giving oral sex as a birthday gift."

"It might... guh, be a regional thing." He was almost there and Sheldon had barely touched him.

"So when it's your birthday..."

The thought alone almost sent Leonard over the edge. Sheldon's mouth...

"I don't expect... oh wow... what was I saying? Oh... I know how you feel about..." he'd have to finish the sentence later. There was too little blood in his brain for complete sentences.

"I'd like to try."

Leonard came so suddenly that Sheldon was unable to spare the sheets. He could feel Sheldon's frown even with his eyes closed but Leonard was happy.

"You honestly don't have to, Shelly. Not if you don't want to."

Sheldon shooed him off the bed, forcing him to stand on his wobbly legs while he stripped the bed.

"I want to. Perhaps it's an artifact of our repeated sexual interactions but the idea seems less and less repulsive to me as our relationship continues."

He was exhausted and his jaw ached and he thought it was very typical of a Hofstadter that the best birthday of his life was not, in fact, his birthday.


	12. Chapter 12

It's Raj's idea. Of course it's Raj's idea; he can't wait to dress like Frank-N-Furter. Of course Sheldon says no, but Leonard coaxes him into agreeing. He reminds Sheldon that Raj has been feeling lonely since Howard's engagement. He reminds Sheldon there will be costumes and prizes involved. Sheldon loves to dress up and he loves to win.

They are going to a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and they have every intention of taking home the best group costume trophy.

Sheldon is going as Brad and his costume consists of Sheldon changing his shirt and adding a pair of Leonard's old glasses with the lens popped out. Amy Farrah Fowler will be making the similar transformation of taking off her glasses and wearing a hat to become Janet. Leonard will be Dr. Scott courtesy of a rented wheel chair and one of his own suits. Their crew has the square characters down to a science.

Howard and Bernadette are going all out as Riff Raff and Magenta and Leonard is resolutely trying _not_ to think about Bernadette in a French maid costume. He has no interest in imagining her curvaceous figure straining the material of a maid's uniform...

Leonard slaps himself. Bernadette is engaged to one of his best friends and Leonard is _very_ happily involved with Sheldon.

Raj is currently at Penny's getting 'help' with his make-up, as though he doesn't already know his way around a vanity. Penny and Raj have been getting friendlier since Raj began speaking in front of her. Leonard wonders if Raj is going to make a move on Penny while they do each other's hair and make-up. Based on Leonard's sexual experience with Penny, it doesn't seem like a terrible idea. He had always been too 'vanilla' for Penny's tastes. Maybe Raj is just what she needs, a bit of a mocha swirl.

Leonard doesn't have to worry about being boring in bed with Sheldon. Exchanging saliva is still 'kinky' by Sheldon's standards.

Leonard is startled out of his musings by a call from Howard.

"Bernadette sprained her ankle. We're at the ER."

"How did she sprain her ankle?" Leonard asks, although he can guess.

"She was fleeing the lab. There was a little accident..."

It is Sheldon who comes up with the new plan. Bernadette will be Dr. Scott and use the wheelchair and Leonard will go as Magenta. It's only logical and Sheldon wants first place with a passion bordering on madness. While he disapproves of every hippyish sentiment expressed in the film, he is adamant about being true to the characters and insists that Magenta is too 'iconic' to be left out of the group. Ultimately, it doesn't seem like a huge deal to Leonard. He'll be dressed as a woman but Raj (and most of the other men in attendance) will be wearing next to nothing. No one will give him a second glance.

"Keep your eyes on Raj's finger."

Leonard stares at Raj's finger and tries to ignore the giant blur of a mascara wand coming straight at his eyeball. He can't help himself; he flinches and the wand hits his forehead.

Raj and Sheldon hold him down on the bed while Amy keeps his head still and Penny applies the rest of the eye makeup. He can't fathom how women subject themselves to this kind of torture on a daily basis. They won't let him look at himself until he puts on the wig and heels.

The transformation is remarkable.

And more than a little disturbing.

His face is ghostly white, his eyes outlined in layers of kohl and his lips are blood red. Penny covered his eyebrows in white makeup and drew on thinner, more ladylike brows. The long red curls of his wig soften his jaw and there is nothing familiar about the face in the mirror except for his glasses.

Sheldon stands over his shoulder and they make eye contact in the glass. Leonard can't quite identify the look on his face before Sheldon says, "Magenta doesn't wear glasses."

Amy assists Bernadette in 'strapping down' her 'ample bosom'. Sheldon finds the effect of Bernadette with her hair slicked back and in Leonard's suit... disturbing. Far more disturbing is the sight of Leonard in Bernadette's costume. It's Raj who suggests using tape to give Leonard some cleavage. Sheldon had been dubious but he has to admit the effect is very realistic. There is a swell of flesh above the padded lacy bra that looks very like an actual breast.

"So, Raj," Penny asks as she stares at her ex-boyfriend's breasts, "You wanna tell us why you know this little trick?"

Raj caresses Leonard's chest and declares that they feel real. Leonard bats Raj's hands away in irritation before he agrees that they feel 'pretty damn awesome'. He offers Sheldon a feel but his roommate demurs while Penny jumps in for a squeeze. Watching Penny caressing Leonard's mock chest adds to Sheldon's feeling of confusion.

Zach is the last to arrive. He's dressed in tiny gold shorts but he isn't yet wearing the blond wig that completes his Rocky costume. He says he didn't want to look like a weirdo on the bus.

Barry Kripke/Eddie meets them at the theater. His head wound is sufficiently authentic enough to make Sheldon queasy. He avoids looking at Kripke and finds himself staring at Leonard/Magenta. Leonard is awkward in his heels but his legs look long and shapely in the dark tights. Every time Leonard shifts his weight, his dress moves lightly over his thighs and Sheldon is finding it difficult not to stare.

All around him are men and women in varying states of undress (apparently pasties are considered a costume at this venue) but he is transfixed by Leonard. It strikes Sheldon as a downright anti-evolutionary response.

Penny and Amy flank Leonard and keep him on his feet as he walks down the theater aisle. Penny keeps squeezing his fake breasts and giggling. She and Raj must have been hitting the bottle together. Raj can not only walk in his high heels; he can strut. Leonard catches himself watching Raj's swinging hips. Sheldon is right about this movie. Nothing good can come of being open and free with your sexuality. There is something very wrong with wanting to look at Raj's ass.

Leonard is carefully not staring at Penny in her Columbia costume while she freely grabs Leonard's 'boobs' and giggles. He remembers when Penny used to wear more revealing outfits just to hang out and eat pizza. Sometimes he misses those days. Once, Leonard suggested Sheldon try just wearing a tee-shirt without the long-sleeved shirt underneath and he earned a strike for being 'ridiculous'. Later that night, Leonard went down on Sheldon and gave him the slowest and most thorough blow job he could manage. His jaw hurt like hell but Sheldon had been a puddle of goo afterwards. Leonard took the opportunity to ask that his strike be removed. Sheldon gave him a second strike for attempting to use sex to get away with bad behavior.

He's grateful when he finally sits down and takes his weight off his battered toes. He casts an envious look at Bernadette in what should have been his wheelchair. She's already asleep and Howard is trying to keep her head from flopping forward. The pain meds seem to be working.

Penny claps as soon as the lights go down and grabs Leonard and Raj's hands in excitement. Leonard has been watching the movie with Sheldon, learning the audience lines and examining every detail of the costumes, for weeks now. The draw of the movie itself eludes him but he is a nerd at heart and loves things such as yelling in unison, being in costume and having props.

Sheldon watches as Penny gives an exaggerated yawn and drapes her arm around Leonard, her hand on his not quite ample bosom. Leonard removes her arm and scoots closer to Sheldon, giving him a look that apparently means, 'Women are tiresome.'

Sheldon stares straight ahead at the screen as he places his hand on Leonard's knee. If Leonard removes the hand, Sheldon won't try again.

A pair of disembodied lips fills the screen and the audience goes wild.

Sheldon leaves his hand on Leonard's knee through the wedding scene and neither of them misses a cue. Howard is yelling out spontaneous comments that are greeted with laughter. Sheldon dislikes breaking from the script but Howard is the 'funny one'; he's only fulfilling his role in the group.

The group has gotten larger recently. Penny used to be 'the girl', now she's the muscle. Amy thinks she is the brains but she's actually the wild card. Bernadette is the cute one and Leonard...

Leonard is the romantic lead.

Sheldon moves his hand a little above Leonard's knee so he is holding a stocking covered thigh. It's a new experience for him. He rubs his thumb along the nylon, and wonders how it would feel if Leonard had shaved his legs. The thought makes him a little light-headed but he doesn't remove his hand.

Sheldon uses one hand to hold the newspaper over his head while he sings, his other hand still firmly planted on Leonard's thigh. It's hard to tell if Leonard is aroused. His normally expressive face is covered in make-up. Normally, his lips would look a little redder and plumper, his cheeks would flush and his eyes would dilate and Sheldon would know his partner was becoming sexually excited. Currently lipstick, rogue and eyeliner are giving Leonard the appearance of being aroused while concealing his actual physiological responses.

The tights and the folds of his skirt conceal the most obvious indicator of sexual arousal.

Sheldon moves his hand farther up Leonard's thigh, slipping his fingers under the skirt until he feels the top of the stocking and, of course, the garter belt. Leonard had tried to fight the stockings but Sheldon insisted on authenticity and Raj assured Leonard he would prefer thigh high stockings to actually having his genitalia encased in nylon. The phrase 'sweaty balls' figured largely in the discussion, much to Sheldon's distress.

Sheldon strokes the bare skin just above the stocking and Leonard closes his eyes and opens his mouth slightly. Sheldon has managed to catalog many of Leonard's facial expressions and he knows what that look means. That look means 'more'.

Sheldon glances to the left and the right. Penny, Amy and Raj are riveted by the film. Kripke and Zach are pointing out nearly naked women in the audience. Howard is taking care of Bernadette. No one is looking at him, not even Leonard.

He moves his hand all the way under Leonard's skirt, sliding his pinky over until it brushes against Leonard's panties.

Briefs, not panties. Leonard is wearing briefs rather than his usual boxers. He said it was to keep his 'junk in place.'

There is no questioning his degree of arousal. Leonard's erection is straining against the briefs and his knuckles are turning white as he grips the armrests but he manages to keep his face almost neutral.

On the big screen, Riff Raff opens the door for Brad and Janet.

Sheldon moves his hand further up, spreading Leonard's thighs carefully so they don't draw the attention of Penny, and cups Leonard's arousal in his hand. As he gently squeezes, he can feel his roommate throbbing in his hand through the layer of cotton.

Sheldon doesn't want to stop, he wants to stroke Leonard through his panties until he throws his head back and moans in pleasure. Would anyone even notice in this den of hedonism?

He gives Leonard a few strokes and watches from the corner of his eye as the smaller man tries to keep his composure. He's biting his painted lower lip and it reminds Sheldon of the opening to the film. He wants those lips on his body. He wants Magenta's mouth pleasuring him.

Unfortunately, he has to let Leonard go so they can both stand up. It's time to do the time warp.

Leonard is trying to remember the steps to the time warp while Sheldon is cupping his ass under his maid's uniform. Sheldon doesn't like public displays of affection; the man isn't entirely comfortable with _private_ displays of affection, but he is groping Leonard in a crowded movie theater with all their friends right there.

Leonard is so horny he could scream. As he wiggles his hips singing, "really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane", Sheldon runs his finger along the cleft of Leonard's backside. Everywhere he looks, he sees half-naked gyrating bodies but there's nothing as shocking as a frisky Sheldon.

The taller man 'forgets' a step and ends up bumping into Leonard, his erection pressing into Leonard's hip. It's enough to make Leonard wonder if this new crazy horny Sheldon would actually consider sex in the bathroom. He doesn't think he can take much more of this.

Leonard stage whispers that he needs to go to the bathroom and asks Sheldon to help him, pointing out that he has trouble seeing in his contacts. Even to Sheldon, the words sound forced and fake but no one else seems to notice.

As soon as they are around the corner and out of the sight of the audience, Sheldon pushes Leonard against and wall and presses his aching erection against Leonard's rear end, pulling the skirt up so he can get closer but his roommate is not cooperating. He wants to go to the mens' room but there's no way Sheldon is taking this to a filthy, germ-ridden bathroom when they have a perfectly good alcove.

"Someone is going to see us!" Leonard hisses as Sheldon hikes the dress above Leonard's waist and rubs himself against the cotton-covered buttocks.

"I have exceptional hearing, Leonard. I'll stop if someone tries to walk through the door," he promises as he slips his hand into the smaller man's briefs. Once his hand closes around Leonard's twitching erection, the arguing stops. Sheldon thrusts his hips, so his penis slides against Leonard's cleft while he works the other man's erection with quick strokes of his hand. Leonard is moaning quietly and almost orgasms before Sheldon gets the tissue in place. Fortunately, there is a garbage can conveniently placed by the door.

Once Leonard is cleaned up, he whispers into Sheldon's ear, "What do you want?"

"Your mouth."

Leonard smiles but looks nervous as he drops to his knees. He has Sheldon's cock free in record time and begins licking it up and down. He can barely see Leonard in the darkness but he can feel the unfamiliar sensation of lipstick as Leonard takes him in his mouth. He wraps his hands in the long curls on the wig and controls the pace of Leonard's bobbing head. He wants to be quick but he wants to savor every moment of this illicit act. When he moves a hand to Leonard's chest and slips his finger into the swell of cleavage, it's too much. He can't even warn Leonard. He ejaculates into the hot wet mouth while squeezing a soft fake breast.

He pulls Leonard to his feet and kisses him. He can taste his semen on Leonard's tongue as he strokes his partner's breasts.

Leonard's legs feel like jelly as he stumbles back to his seat. He's still in shock about what just happened.

He and Sheldon have never kissed in public. They've never held hands when there were other people in the room. Part of it is Sheldon's aversion to unnecessary physical contact. If Sheldon wants to kiss, he wants to have sex so they don't kiss when they play Halo.

Leonard has his own reasons for avoiding the public displays of affection. From day one, their friends have made assumptions about their physical relationship. It's silly and based on antiquated stereotypes but it still bothers Leonard to be perceived as the 'girl'.

Those concerns seem extra silly as he clutches Sheldon's arm, tottering in his high heels.

Leonard has come to terms with his place of the sexuality spectrum but he's not ready to face homophobia straight on.

Correction: he has spent his entire life having homophobic epitaphs hurled at him because he's short and smart and plays the cello. He's not ready to give the world _another_ reason to yell at him as he walks down the street.

As he settles back into his seat, Penny leans towards him and whispers, "Slut!"

He blushes at her teasing tone but he also wonders how she knows and if others can tell as well. He feels embarrassed.

He feels excited as well.

Sheldon doesn't win the prize for Best Brad. That goes to a man in glasses and fishnets. The girl who recreated the movie's tap dance sequence doesn't win Best Columbia; she loses to the prettier Penny. Leonard loses to a Magenta with a less authentic costume who bares her breasts to the audience. Howard wins Best Riff Raff without exposing himself. They don't bother wheeling the sleeping Bernadette on stage for the Dr. Scott competition. Zach wins Best Creature because he's the only Rocky with actual muscles. Kripke loses Best Eddie to a woman who looks shockingly like Meat Loaf. Amy takes a few long slugs from Raj's flask and wins Best Janet in a similar manner to the woman who won Best Magenta. Those who know her will never be the same. Raj just loses out Best Frank-n-Furter to Sheldon and Leonard's former neighbor, Louis/Louise. Louis/Louise is surprisingly light on his feet.

Her feet. Sheldon had never really gotten the hang of pronouns when dealing with Louis/Louise. He'd tried to discuss the issue directly with his neighbor only to be called a 'weirdo'.

Louis/Louise was surprisingly judgmental for an African-American transvestite member of the LAPD.

Individual prizes are well and good but Sheldon has his eye on Best Group Costume.

The MC holds a hand over each of the three groups and the audience cheers for their favorite. It's a tight race and the groups need to up the ante.

Leonard has no idea how to 'up the ante' in this case. He's not much of a song and dance man.

Penny knows what to do; she's behind Leonard and fondling his fake chest as the MC returns. Amy is fondling Zach's real chest as well and the audience is responding. By the third time the MC comes to their group, they are still the least obscene group on the stage but they are by far the strangest. Riff Raff is making out with Dr. Scott. Columbia and Rocky are grinding on Janet. Frank-n-Furter is giving Eddie a lap dance and Brad tilts Magenta's head up for a gentle kiss on the lips.

Leonard is still giddy as he climbs the four flights of stairs. He and Penny are carrying their high heels in their hands but Raj is still wearing his. Raj is going to 'crash' at Penny's because he had too much to drink. Leonard's not sure who the lie is supposed to fool.

The trophy is a gold statue of Atlas in a corset. Sheldon can't decide where to display the award but it will certainly have to be hidden any time Mary Cooper comes to town. He hasn't come out to his mother about the change in his relationship with Leonard and the trophy will only play into her worst fears of what it means to be homosexual in the land of heathens.

Mary Cooper doesn't want Sheldon sticking his hand up any skirts before he's married; she surely wouldn't approve of her son's hand moving under Leonard's skirt as they climb the stairs.

Sheldon is all over him as soon as they close the door. Leonard is pinned to the door as Sheldon strokes him through his maid's uniform. He plucks the high heels from Leonard's hand and drops them to the floor. He doesn't stop kissing Leonard, he just mumbles, "Put them on," directly into his mouth.

In the heels, there's less of a height difference but Sheldon still towers over him.

Sheldon has only had sex with two people: Leonard and Leonard's mom. It's not like there has _ever_ been a time when Leonard didn't considered that fucked up but tonight, it's bothering him more than usual. Losing your virginity while half-asleep to a woman twice your age and the next day beginning a long term committed relationship with her son might not be the healthiest turn of events.

With one of Sheldon's hands wrapped in his long red wig and the other stroking his padded bra, Leonard wonders if Sheldon feels short-changed.

"Shelly..."

"Mmmm..."

"Do you ever wish... Do you want to be with a girl?"

Sheldon stops kissing and stops breathing. He just stares into Leonard's eyes for what feels like ten minutes before he answers, "Yes."

Sheldon intends to gently press Leonard to the bed but in his eagerness, he basically knocks his partner over. Leonard is sprawled across the bed, head haloed by red curls and skirt pulled up to show the top of her stockings.

Sheldon pushes her legs farther apart and climbs on top of her, his hand sliding up the inside of her thigh. He's surprised to realize he's still wearing Leonard's glasses when they start sliding down his nose. He decides to leave them on; the strangeness of the situation is oddly arousing.

The farther his hand moves up Leonard's thigh, the harder it will be to pretend he's a girl.

He kisses his way down her neck (and Adam's apple) to her breasts. He kisses her flesh until he hits uniform; moving the rough material away, he continues to kiss her through her lacy bra. The silicon inserts give the breasts a surprisingly realistic feel.

Leonard's sighs are quiet and pitched higher than usual. Feminine.

He grabs the lubricant.

He leaves her panties on, simply pushing them out of the way so he can stroke her entrance. She's clutching at his shoulders and moaning as he moves his slippery finger in gentle circles. When she whispers, "please," he slips a finger inside. Her lipstick is smeared from his kisses.

His second finger slides in easily but he has to take his time with the third. She's eager but he doesn't want to cause her pain.

"Oh, Shelly, please..."

"Please what?"

It is gentlemanly to make a lady wait but he wants to hear her say the words.

"What do you want?"

"I want you. Please."

"You want me to...?"

"Fuck me, Shelly."

It isn't the word he'd have used but it is certainly the right sentiment.

They are still fully dressed, down to their shoes.

Sheldon unzips his trousers and frees himself from his briefs. He rubs his pre-ejaculate around the head of his penis before lining it up with her wet and ready entrance. The lack of a latex sheath adds to the new and strange sensation. As the head slips past the tightest ring of muscle, Sheldon asks her to stay still while he regains his self-control. She giggles but keeps still except for her hands rubbing small circles on his back. When he begins to move, she meets every thrust, lifting her hips off the bed. As lovely as she looks beneath him, he asks to switch positions so she straddles his hips. She's less than graceful as she lowers herself onto his erection but her sighs of pleasure are intoxicating. The face that normally reflects so much anxiety and doubt is serene as she moves herself in gentle circles until he is completely inside of her.

She starts off slow but soon she's frantically riding him, working herself up and down as she finds the perfect angle. He can see the change in her face when she finds just the right spot, it goes from blissful to almost tortured. She leans forward, her long hair brushing his chest, as she picks up her pace. She's so close. He can't decide what is more enticing, the sight of her garter belt, the cleavage peeking from her lacy bra or the way she's biting her lip. There's too much to look at and only the frequent changes in her tempo keep him from ejaculating too soon. When he slips a hand between them and gives her a gentle stroke, she purrs like a kitten.

He keeps his hand outside the panties, maintaining a hint of illusion until her body clenches around his and the panties become damp in his hands. He then grips her hips firmly and thrusts until he comes inside of her.

Him.

Leonard is sweaty and exhausted and he wonders if he looks pretty. Only two of those sensations are familiar.

Sheldon looks awestruck as he caresses Leonard's thighs. He's still hard and pulsing inside. They've never done this without a condom. If Sheldon had his way, they'd both be covered in latex while they held hands. He wants to ask Sheldon why he didn't use a condom.

He wants to ask Sheldon if he wants to experiment with real women.

There are so many questions he doesn't have the nerve to ask. The possibility of having his fears assuaged cannot compete with the cold terror of having them confirmed.

Sheldon allows nearly half an hour of post coital cuddling and Leonard wonders if his partner has sensed his worries. Then Sheldon begins kissing his neck and stroking his padded chest, his erection pressed against Leonard's thigh. Leonard suddenly feels comfortable with a little ambiguity in their relationship, as long as Sheldon is turned on.

Sheldon pushes Leonard's legs apart and settles in until they're pressed tightly together and begins to move his hips slowly. He winces as Sheldon begins pulling off Leonard's red wig, dozens of bobby pins pulling at his real hair.

"What are you doing, Shelly?"

"I prefer your real hair."


	13. Chapter 13

Leonard was straddling Sheldon's lap, they weren't in Sheldon's spot - he still puts up a fuss about that- but they were on the couch. Sheldon was red-faced and groaning beneath him as Leonard stroked both their cocks with his hand. Sheldon has made a few dry observations about Leonard's increasingly amorous behavior over the past two weeks but he has yet to complain or ask questions.

Both of their mothers are coming to Pasadena for Christmas. Leonard's mother knows all about their relationship. In fact, Sheldon might tell Beverly (via their usual Saturday Skype conversation) that he and Leonard engaged in sexual activities on the couch. They have that kind of relationship.

Mary Cooper has no idea that Leonard has guided her son down the path of sin and vice. For the first time since junior high (when he reluctantly attended a show by a Pink Floyd cover band called "The Effervescing Elephant" to impress a fellow mathlete) Leonard is worried he might get stoned.

He'd spit on his hand but he can't take a lecture from Sheldon. Then he has a better idea.

"Give me your Vaseline lip stuff," he mumbles without taking his tongue out of Sheldon's mouth. Once he has the small tube of Vaseline lip therapy in his hand, he has an even better idea. He climbs off Sheldon just long enough to kick off his pants and boxers before pouncing back into the lap of his partner. He applies a liberal coating to Sheldon's erection before moving his hand between his own legs to prepare himself.

Sheldon bites his lip when he realizes what Leonard is doing. They've been together for well over a year now and, before Mary and Beverly dropped their respective Christmas bombshells, the sex had been slowing down. They usually opted for mutual handjobs or frottage rather than more time consuming sex acts that required more... preparation. Sheldon claimed to be grateful for the increased free time but Leonard knew his roommate missed certain activities. Sheldon occasionally suggested Leonard penetrate him but he never asked for the reverse. It was a strange kind of gentlemanly behavior. This particular act always had to be Leonard's idea. Leonard's mother believed that Sheldon was concerned about making Leonard feel overly feminized since the introduction of some costume play into their relationship, via the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Leonard knew his mother believed this because she mentioned it over lunch the last time she was in town.

Leonard was very concerned about their mothers meeting.

As Leonard tried to guide Sheldon towards his entrance, his roommate argued, "You haven't prepared yourself enough. You could be injured."

It isn't what you would call romantic, but the concern and care Sheldon shows in these moments makes Leonard feel loved and special. It's almost too sappy a thought to even think much less share, but it's true. Sheldon thinks Leonard's well-being trumps his own desire for anal sex. That has to be love.

Sheldon took the small tube and applied some petroleum jelly to his own fingers. Leonard rested his head on Sheldon's shoulder and sighed as the long fingers slide inside. He moans as Sheldon's slim digits carefully stretch him and find his prostrate. He can, and has, come from this alone - but tonight he needs Sheldon inside. He wants to be as close as two people can physically be and still remain two people. He doesn't know what will happen if Mary finds out her son is in a homosexual relationship. He doesn't want to compete with Sheldon's mother for his loyalty. He doesn't want to damage their relationship.

He doesn't want to get dumped. He doesn't want to lose Sheldon.

Sheldon begins moving his fingers in and out until Leonard begins to squirm. He doesn't have to see the smug look on Sheldon's face to know it's there. Sheldon loves how he can reduce Leonard to a moaning pile of goo and, in this instance, Leonard doesn't mind feeding his roommate's ego. Sheldon has put a lot of study into learning every inch of Leonard's body and his research has paid off. Leonard gives credit where credit is due.

"Fuck me, Shelly, I'm ready for you," he groans into Sheldon's ear. Sheldon still flushes at Leonard's more explicit pillow talk. Sometimes, so does Leonard.

Leonard gazes at their Christmas tree. It is a sure sign of Sheldon's love. Sheldon not only allowed the tree, he purchased the tribute to geekiness that was their tree decorations. There were no Santas but there for four Bobba Fetts.

It burns as Sheldon begins to push inside but Leonard can't help trying to speed things up when he should be trying to slow them down. He wants more, he always wants more.

Sheldon tries to hold Leonard's hips still so he can slowly ease his way in but it is a losing battle and soon Leonard is riding him hard. They're sweating through their nerdy tee-shirts in front of their geeky tree - their inhalers inconveniently located in another room.

"Oh, fuck, Shelly. It's so good. You feel so good. I love you so much."

Leonard tries not to think about his dirty talk. He'll only get self-conscious and stop.

Sheldon responds by tightening his grip on Leonard's waist and thrusting up into his body harder and faster.

Leonard doesn't even need to touch his cock. He's getting enough friction from their position and Sheldon is hitting his prostate with every thrust.

"I'm gonna come," Leonard warns.

Sheldon pulls Leonard closer and fucks harder until his shirt is covered in semen and he has an armful of liquefied physicist. Leonard can only hang on as Sheldon uses slower thrusts to find his own release deep inside of his body. He shivers at the feeling of Sheldon coming inside of him. It isn't just the physical intimacy that shocks him in those moments, its the constant surprise that Sheldon allows this. Sheldon wants this. Him.

"Love you," Leonard whispers.

"I love you, as well," Sheldon replies without hesitation.

Mind blowing.

xxx

Beverly is ranting about the unfairness of the Princeton IRB. Her academic life was so much easier when she was producing her own subjects. No Internal Review Board for the ethics of raising your own children, you just have to keep the state from getting involved.

"Please, just be careful around Mrs. Cooper. Sheldon isn't ready to tell her about our relationship..."

He can't even finish the sentence. They'll never be ready to tell Mrs. Cooper. Leonard can't bare the idea of the loving Mary Cooper turning her back on him, how could Sheldon ever take the risk?

"I'm looking forward to meeting Sheldon's mother. Her commitment to the patriarchical Christian traditions..."

"No!" Leonard yelled, "None of that! Don't question her religion or anything she does or says! Don't ask questions, don't give information..."

"What am I allowed to say to this woman?" Beverly asked with a friendly tone that made Leonard wary. Kindness from his mother never ended well.

"Just tell her embarrassing stories about me as a child."

Beverly smiled, "That should get us through three days. Easily."

They drove in nearly comfortable silence for ten minutes before Beverly said, "I won't reveal your sexual relationship with Sheldon to his mother but I think you should. Lying about it puts undo stress on each of the relationships involved. You cannot control Mrs. Cooper's reaction but you and Sheldon can determine the course of your relationship regardless of her approval or disapproval."

"I don't want to lose Sheldon," Leonard admitted, tears forming in his eyes as he drove, "Not as a boyfriend, not as a friend, not as a roommate. I don't want to lose him."

"You and Sheldon have a strong relationship built on love, trust and mutual interests as well as a healthy and adventurous sex life... grow up, Leonard... Why are you always so fearful and insecure when it comes to your relationships?"

"Are you being serious?" Leonard asked, gob smacked - as usual - by the obliviousness of his brilliant mother.

"Did my tone imply levity?"

xxx

Mary and Beverly were making fried chicken while Sheldon and Leonard hovered.

"Leonard, you never told me your mother was such a good cook!" Mary exclaimed.

"I had no idea," Leonard replied, sincerely, as Beverly seasoned her bacon and cheddar mashed potatoes, "Mother never cooked when I was growing up."

"Yes," Beverly explained in a dry tone, "I was too busy raising three children, completing medical school, teaching classes and writing papers in order to rise to the top of a male-dominated field to make mashed potatoes from scratch. It's amazing you have the time to pick up food rather than have it all delivered after putting 7 1/2 hrs a day in at the lab and spending all night playing video games."

Leonard flushed as Mary smacked Beverly's shoulder, "You tell these little smarty-pants! And, Shelly, I wouldn't be expecting Miss Amy Farrah Fowler to be cooking for you either. That little lady has her own ambitions."

Leonard wanted to throw up but Beverly didn't flinch, "Indeed. I have strongly encouraged Dr. Fowler to prolong her unburdened single life as long as possible. I have often regretted the career opportunities that I lost while having my children. Don't look at me like that, Leonard. Mommy loves you. It was your father who relentlessly pursued his career goals with no thought to the needs of his family."

Mary frowned, "I supposed that having book sense doesn't make a man any better of a father. I understand you and Mr. Hoffstadter are going through a divorce?"

"Indeed. It's been a protracted affair due to our numerous shared assets."

"If it's not too personal," Mary spoke gently, her eyes full of warmth, "What caused the split?"

"He chose a tawdry affair with a university waitress over a forty year marriage."

"Again, I hope this ain't too personal, but are his testicles still attached to his body?"

"Physically, yes. Metaphorically, they reside in my purse with his credit score, reputation and career options."

The women exchanged knowing smiles. Leonard relaxed.

For a moment.

xxx

Leonard was dragged from a dream about Santa Claus being hunted by Bobba Fett by the feeling of his pajama bottoms being pulled down. The nerd in him instantly went fetal, protecting his genitals, until he realized it was Sheldon undressing him. He stretched out before remembering where he was and curling back into a ball. Sheldon actually tsked.

"Sheldon! We cannot do this on an air mattress in the living room with our mothers down the hall.

"I'm given to understand the fear of getting caught can intensify a sexual experience," Sheldon explained before taking Leonard's cock in his mouth.

Leonard slapped both hands over his mouth as Sheldon bobbed his head, taking Leonard deeper each time. Sheldon was being unusually aggressive, forgoing technique for speed. Leonard slapped a pillow over his head to quiet the noises that he couldn't quite hold in with his hands as Sheldon brought him from sleepy to fully erect in seconds. Sheldon only paused his assault twice to mouth Leonard's balls before Leonard felt his orgasm approaching like a freight train. He was long past having to warn Sheldon, his roommate could and would offer a PowerPoint on the signs of Leonard's approaching orgasm if asked, so he simply trusted his friend to adjust accordingly. When he felt a dry finger rubbing its way inside of him, he gave in and came with a soft whimper.

When he pulled the pillow from his face, he squinted at Sheldon who was leaning over him and jerking himself off. Even without his glasses, he recognizes the self-satisfied smile on Sheldon's face. Leonard is still tangled in his sheets, his pants and underwear around his knees and panting from Sheldon's oral assault. They've never discussed it directly but it's become clear that Sheldon has a thing for putting Leonard in compromising positions. It's no surprise that Sheldon Cooper gets off on control but it's still a little strange to think of Sheldon as having kinks.

Leonard pulls himself up the best he can from his awkward position and whispers into Sheldon's ear.

"Maybe sometime you should try tying me up."

He expects a response but the splash of semen on his belly is a surprise. Sheldon's fuzzy eyes are wide.

Sheldon has a kinky side, all right.

Sheldon pushed Leonard flat on the bed and kisses him thoroughly before saying, "That sounds like a fine idea, Leonard."

He quickly cleans Leonard's stomach with a wet wipe and crawls back under his covers on the couch.

It doesn't take long for Leonard to fall back asleep but he has just enough time to plunge into neurosis.

Sheldon is just as worried about their relationship as Leonard. On one hand, he feels reassured by Sheldon's unexpected (and fucking hot) ardor but it makes him feel worried that even _Sheldon_ can feel the threat in the air. Things could end in a heartbeat.

Possibly with an exorcism.

xxx

"We had all the children tested early, before they had time to learn too much about standardized tests in general and the specifics of IQ testing. The test is flawed enough without adding the artifact of the children trying to control their scores," Beverly explained, "No doubt Michael would have attempted to improve his score to pad his fragile ego while Leonard would have lowered his score in order to 'fit in' with his peers."

Mary nodded, "I imagine that all makes perfect sense. Shelly's the only genius in our family. We never really knew what to do with him. I wonder sometimes if we shouldn't have kept him home longer, let him be a kid. I prayed on every decision but I don't reckon God has very strong opions on graduate schools."

"My father assured me God leans towards Ivy League. One makes one's choices and lives with the consequences," Beverly observes with a shrug as she sips her tea (made to perfection by Sheldon), "I'm sure Leonard could supply you with an exhaustive list of my failings as a mother but he's working at the finest physics department in the country as is Sheldon. I think we can both sleep at night."

"Be careful, Mother, you almost sounded proud of me just then," Leonard teased.

"Don't be needy, Leonard."

"Of course your mother is proud of you, Leonard. What's not to be proud of?" Mary ruffled Leonard's hair in a motherly way that made Leonard blush and feel guilty before she turned and smiled at Sheldon, "I think you're right, Bev. Our boys are doing just fine."

Sheldon did have a separate plate for his peas and his cranberry sauce but otherwise, he was eating Christmas dinner like a normalish person.

"My son, Michael, is a professor at Harvard - very highly esteemed in his field and possibly on his way to political office. I would have preferred he use his intellectual gifts for the advancement of mankind rather than personal glory but I suppose we can't expect our children to live by our values," Beverly spoke in an even tone but Leonard was finding it hard to breath, "There comes a time when a person must develop an internal moral compass and their own value system."

Mary nodded, clearly not hearing the implication, "Your son is a homosexual," is Beverly's words.

Sheldon's nervous look is surely a reflection of Leonard's own but Mary is trapped in her own thoughts.

"Were you raised to believe in Jesus?"

Beverly nodded, "My parents were very displeased that I did not raise my children in the church. It was one of many disappointments for them. If I had never let my parents down, I would be a neurosurgeon with her own talk show and Leonard would be named Carol Jr. after my father."

Sheldon turned to Leonard with a deadpan expression, "Carol makes Len-nerd sound like a strong and virile name."

"My mother would have been happier if I hadn't married a drunken louse," Mary acknowledged, "but then I wouldn't have my Shelly."

Leonard smiled as Sheldon and Mary shared an affectionate glance.

"'Because I said so' is not a good enough reason," Beverly mused.

"I suppose you're right," Mary agreed.

"It's the name of my next book. I'll be doing a special on the OWN network to discuss my theories in February," Beverly explained, "Are you a fan of Oprah Winfrey?"

The look of awe on Mary's face was answer enough.

xxx

Leonard gave Beverly an awkward hug at the airport, "Thanks, Mother."

Beverly patted Leonard's head stiffly, "I approve of your choice of a life partner. You chose more wisely than I. I wish you both luck."

It was stiff and awkward but it still warmed his heart.

xxx

Leonard looked for security before jumping out of the car to help Mrs. Cooper unload her luggage. He kept the car running in case a power mad security guard decided their farewell had become a threat to national security.

"Well, it was a pleasure getting to know your mother, Leonard, she's one smart lady."

Mary was giving Leonard a warm smile and patting his cheek with the kind of easy affection he would never get from Beverly.

"Mom, Leonard and I are engaged in a homosexual relationship."

Leonard understood why Sheldon said it to the back of Mary's head, he finds people's faces too distracting when he's trying to focus, but he wished Sheldon would just stare at his shoes like normal, socially awkward people. Leonard watched Mary's face turn pale and her eyes fill with hurt. He doubted she even heard his murmur of, "I'm sorry," before she turned to Sheldon.

"What are you saying, Shelly?"

Now Sheldon is staring at his shoes, "Leonard and I are in a monogamous homosexual relationship. I'm sorry if you're angry but I don't want to lie to you any more."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since last fall. October 7th to be precise."

"And you've been lying to me all this time?"

"I didn't want to upset you until I was reasonably certain Leonard wouldn't retreat to the doomed but more socially acceptable shores of doomed attempts at heterosexuality."

Leonard was caught off guard by the statement, Sheldon was just full of surprises today.

"I don't know what to say, Shelly. I'm not entirely surprised but... I need to pray on this."

"I love you, Mom."

Mary hugs Sheldon tightly, "I love you, too, Shelly. Nothin' is ever gonna change that."

Leonard shifted uncomfortably as they hugged but he's grateful for Mrs. Cooper's relative calm. He'll happily accept all her wrath and blame if it will protect her relationship with Sheldon.

He tried not to avert his eyes when she turned to him, he wanted to act like a man but had a strong urge to hide like a little kid. Maybe behind a garbage can. He's short and a good hider.

"And you..." Mary doesn't finish whatever she planned to say, instead she pulled Leonard into a hug.

Leonard sobbed, "I'm sorry," into her shoulder but, again, doubted his words were heard or even intelligible. When Mary let go, he tried to wipe away the tears streaming down his face but they won't stop coming. He resisted the urge to lean into Sheldon when he felt an awkward hand on his shoulder. He doubts his copious tears are helping with Mary's stereotyped view of homosexuals.

"Shelly... We'll talk about this later. Believe you me, we _will_ be talking about this later. Now go get Leonard some kind of hot beverage before he soaks that sweatshirt of his clean through and catches cold."

Leonard tried to pull himself together as Sheldon and Mary shared a final hug, then lost it completely as Sheldon awkwardly wrapped his arms around him and said, "There, there."

xxx

Sheldon loosely holds Leonard's arms above his head as he rides him. When Leonard tries to free a hand to stroke Sheldon's cock, Sheldon tightens his grip. Even though his eyes are still gritty and swollen from a good hour of crying, Leonard smiles at the kinkiness and Sheldon looks relieved. He tries to hold off until Sheldon orgasms but it becomes apparent that isn't Sheldon's plan and Sheldon's plans always prevail. He gives in and stops thinking about multiplication tables and starts thinking about the fact that Sheldon has found a way to make Leonard completely submissive even when Sheldon is on the receiving end of penetrative sex. When he comes inside the taller man, he's loud because he can be and Sheldon remains straddling his waist, with Leonard still hard inside him. He brings himself off with a few efficient strokes and collapses into a half snuggle. Leonard wraps himself around his lover and enjoys the moments before the need to shower forces Sheldon to end their embrace. If he's lucky, he can get a full ten minutes.

"That was amazing, Shelly. That was like make-up sex without the break-up."

"Hopefully the sex will be just as exciting after the three hour prayer-a-thon phone call I'll no doubt be getting from my mother tonight."

Leonard laughs though he knows Sheldon is only half joking.

"Why did you tell her? Why at the airport?"

Sheldon pulls Leonard's head to his chest, a sure sign he's thinking hard and doesn't want to be distracted by Leonard's 'overly active' face.

"I thought we were in the clear until the next time our mothers met and then I realized we could be propagating this deception for decades and it seemed absurd. I also thought it would be good to tell her when she wouldn't have time to argue. My mother doesn't like to be late and she always anticipates an abundance of 'Arabs' slowing down security on any flight."

"Good thinking," Leonard admitted, "I'm glad you told her. I hated lying to her and it's good to know she doesn't hate me. At least not yet."

"I believe observing your interactions with your mother gave my mother some insight into the depth of your emotional frailty. Between that and your well-timed and shameless emotional meltdown at the airport, it must be obvious to her that you are hopelessly in love with me and incapable of luring someone into anything, much less a life of debauchery."

Leonard doesn't bother arguing, Sheldon has made some valid points.

"Speaking of debauchery," Sheldon twitches slightly, "I bought you another Christmas gift that I thought should wait until after our mothers had left..."

"Let me guess, some kind of bondage cuffs?"

Sheldon's eyes are full of disapproval as he finally meets Leonard's eyes.

"I believe the social protocol is to at least pretend to be surprised."


End file.
